Lyrics

There are so many lyrics that I love and i just so wish that they could pertain to my life, you know. Or sometimes they do pertain to my life, but I can't let anyone know that. And sometimes they don't pertain to my life but I like the quote but I don't want to use it because I think that people will think that it pertains to my life. Or sometimes its something that I want to pertain to my life and I'm scared that if I use it then it won't come true.

But alas, quote of the moment that is stuck in my head: "As a matter of fact, there's no turning back, I got you, girl, you're my heart attack. It's not the things that you say its the things that you do, that make me wanna get next to you. And I wish that everybody would feel the way I do when I'm lying next to you." - Andrew Ripp

Fakeness

I hate fake people.
I HATE fake people.
Like, I really fucking hate fake people.
Just say. it. to. my. face. bitch.
Really though, it's bitchier to be nice to someone's face and then nasty behind that person's back. For anyone who is reading this. I like honesty. I can handle the fucking truth and I can take a hint. So do yourself and me a favor and don't be a fucking asshole. Entiendas?

Also, is it better to discover something or to live in ignorance, which, after all, is bliss? I think that sometimes we think we want to know something, and we think that is what would be good for ourselves but in actuality, we would be better off not knowing, but it's nearly impossible to convince oneself of that. It is for this reason, I believe. Ignorance is bliss if it is truly ignorance. If there is even a tiny hint of suspicious, then it is just not knowing, which is worse, it is always worse. At least in my case, where it leads, often to paranoia. 

Whatever, fuck them fake bitches, I'm better than that. 

Nothing to make a girl feel better than some Darcy and Seth and some JamesHeatherJames love. ooooh the Bowery Ball Room

tragedy

Article in the Daily News
Article in the New York Post
NBC article and Video

* MOST RECENT *

Its weird for something to hit so close to home yet be so distant at the same time. I didn't know him, but I know people who did. I knew who he was. It's shocking, frightening, heart wrenching. It's really an awful thing. Yet I feel like I should be more affected by it and feel awful that I'm not. Perhaps it just hasn't hit me yet how real this is.

One thing that this did do was make me feel a connection with my high school again. Dalton truly is a community. Everyone I know made their status "my thoughts are with the dalton community" or "sending my love to Dalton." Such an incredible support system, it angers me that people blame the school for this tragic event. I worry about the 4th graders too, who were at recess when this occurred. It must have been so scarring. This is something they are going to remember for the rest of their lives.

My thoughts are with dalton, with him, his family, his friends, and everyone who was affected by this horrible incident. R.I.P.

no video today.

perfect sense

gosh you know those moments where everything just... falls into place. It all makes perfect sense now ;-)
i feel smug.

TOS and LMM two of my favoritist things:

time and place

So I was talking to a friend las night, sort of depressed (beverage consumption being a factor), about the fact that I have never been in a serious relationship. To which he replied, "babe, you're looking in all the wrong places."
me: i don't know if I'm really looking though
him: trust me you are
me: well, where am I supposed to look
him: maybe you're not supposed to be looking right now.

So then I thought, maybe I've just always been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now this idea may make me feel better about myself, but then again it's a pretty depressing notion. Always being in the wrong place at the wrong time means multitudes of missed opportunities. Have I wasted away valuable time that I could have been in the right place? But how would I have known. And also how can I stop looking if I didn't realize I was looking the first place?

Or maybe I have been in the wrong place at the wrong time (or the right place at the wrong time, or the wrong place at the right time) in this situation, but maybe I was supposed to be there. Maybe I have not found the one (or the 2, or the 3, I'm not sure I really believe in the whole soulmate thing) but maybe in those places I was filling some other void in my life. Maybe if I was somewhere else I could have started a relationship but in the place I was in I met an amazing friend or I made a good decision that impacted the rest of my life (butterfly affect, anyone?) All I know is that I am tired of waiting, I am tired of trying, it's just not easy to move past that.

video of the day:


these bitchin ladies will tell you whats up, caren lyn manuel and karmine alers ftw.

recruitment?

I don't get why sorority rush is called "recruitment." Just because like, who are they recruiting? These girls all already knew they wanted to be in a sororities some of them are even desperate to be in sororities, to be in particular sororities. If anything I think it should be called "decruitment" as in... Who can we eliminate? Who do we NOT want in our house? Who can we not accept? Or maybe they usually try to recruit people but last year when I rushed I was just so awful and they all wanted to get rid of me. Those of you know me, that's not me being paranoid, that's me being sarcastic. Clearly I know I'm not an awful person, which is why I think the system is absurd.

So this came out sort of strong. I don't hate sororities, truly. Clearly, i even wanted to be in one last year. I have friends who love it. I was considering even rushing again because there are a couple sororities that I actually really like and would happy to be a part of. I just think that the system of rush is absolutely ridiculous. It's hurtful, and it's absurd. I can't tell you how many girls I've seen burst into tears because a group of bitches decided that they didn't want to accept her based on talking to the girl for like .2 seconds. Last year when I rushed I was really unhappy. I was getting really sick, I was fighting with my roommate, and I was fighting with my friend from home, so then being flat out rejected by people, who in the long run, made no difference, I just was not in a good mood. So of course the houses didn't want me. No one wants someone moping around or whatever, but I'm a generally happy person, these girls didn't know me. By rushing they couldn't know that this is not how I usually am.

I am so glad I didn't decide to rush again, i would not want to put myself through that utter judgmental hell. And don't get me started on the pledging process.

I found my group, It's called Alpha Phi Omega, they are not exclusive, they don't haze, they always make me happy. I could not ask for a better group of brothers. Maybe that's because I didn't need to put on an inch of makeup, a fake smile, and a pair of skinny jeans, just to be accepted. I've said it a million times, but when I am with APO people, I am truly myself.
-----------------------------------

This video always makes me cry:

happiness

i just wanted to say that i really love all my courses this semester and I am just generally feeling happy.
At the moment, anyway.

This video is like the encompassment of amazingness

creative writing

I tend to dislike almost everything that I write. I think that I have finally discovered the reason for the constant scrapping of drafts, for the dozens of unfinished stories. I believe that there is a blurry line between fiction and reality. The creative fiction stories that I write are either about something I know nothing of (which often leads to me getting stuck and not knowing where to turn) or ones that hit waaaaaaaay too close to home. The latter type often leaves me feeling quite vulnerable. I get concerned what people will think. If people will know. Or if they know, will they know that it isn't all reality, that while there are themes that can identify with issues in my life I am not the character I have created. It's scary to put yourself out there like that in that context. Blogging is one thing because you know what you're giving and people know what they are getting, but creative fiction is putting yourself out to the world in a way that you can't be certain of. There is a lot more room for interpretation, it's pretty scary.

Don't censor, don't censor, don't censor. Die, Vampire, die. I've got to keep reminding myself, don't I?

In addition to the personal vulnerable and the fear of not getting it just right, there is also the self-consciousness which comes along with something in any artistic field. Is it even good? Do I have talent?

All in all getting you're writing out there can be quite the burden.

Just a silly little vid:

writing is subjective

The blatant rejection of my writing would usually have significantly discouraged me from keeping my head up in the field. However, in my frustration, there is nothing that I feel more compelled to do right now than to just write.

Was that sentence clear cut? Was it coherent? Do I care?

I believe that writing is an art. It is something we create. It is something that the artist initiated for the purpose of evoking feelings, emotions, statements, and it is a means of expression.

Even news writing...

I also believe that writing is subjective. Despite what I am being taught, I do not think there is a right and wrong way to write. I don't mean grammar. There are definitely rights and wrongs in grammar (though even those rules can occasionally be bent but only if that bending is intentional) Some words are aesthetically pleasing to one set of people and may not be to another.

If there is a clear cut formula for writing, then I was unaware of it and probably should have been informed about this mold before being given the assignment for a feature story in the Daily Orange.

I have a lot of important things that I should be doing right now, yet somehow I can't think of any of them because I am compelled to write. I don't just want to write. I need to write. I want to write this for everyone else, I NEED to write this for me. I should be studying for my current events quiz that I'm going to fail, but I will not be content until this blog is written.

And it is that feeling which makes me confident in my writing.

But okay, you're probably all wondering why I am so pissed off. I wrote an article for the DO. I didn't know we had to bring them in to be reviewed. I am not blaming anyone for that, it was probably my fault that I didn't know. I tend to be disorganized and if I did read it it probably went over my head. But okay, I didn't know and I couldn't have come in anyway because I was in a meeting until 10.

As mentioned I was told nothing about how to write this article. Furthermore, I was told to write an article on what the "animation majors" were up to at SU. Um... there IS no animation major at SU. I also got a significant cut on the deadline. It was supposed to be due February 9th and was moved up to January 28th. Yes, I could have declined the offer to write it even though it was moved up but I didn't want to back out. I wanted to write this article. And I wanted to do a good job. I thought I did a good job. You know what.... i DID do a good job and I don't care if the editors at the DO agree or not. Why? Because WRITING IS SUBJECTIVE. Especially for a feature story.... (that was a sentance fragment AND it was on purppse... so how do you feel about that?)

Back on topic. So. I slaved over this article, was it stellar? No. Was it bad? Certainly not. Was it better than a lot of the stuff I have seen written in this publication. Definitely. In my opinion anyway. Yet somehow there were a lot of "issues" with my story. None of which, by the way, I was informed of. In fact, there were so many issues with this story that the editor decided it was necessary to REINTERVIEW the people for the article. If I wasn't so confident that my writing wasn't shit I would have taken this as a huge blow. And that's real professional... you know, reinterviewing the subjects... Last time i checked this was a feature article that a minimal amount of people will glance at in the Daily Orange, not a breaking News story for USA Today...

So the article you see now in the Daily Orange. Was not written by me. I'm not even sure that any of my words are still in it. The only trace of Amelia that can be found is the occasional quote that was used from the original interviews I did. I still do not know what was wrong with my story. I don't mean to take a stab at the people at the DO, I know that they are busy but really.... an example or quick explanation would have been nice. If anyone would like to see the article I wrote, I would be ore than pleased to share.

And if this little blog pisses anyone off.... well, maybe you should have considered that before attending a communications school (top of the line communications school, might I add) that treasures the words of the first amendment more than John Lennon treasures peace.

peace, love, and freedom of the press,
Amelia



Nothing like the good old potter puppet pals to get you through the bitterness

really, really, likes comments.

Ugh. I hate obnoxious people. just throwing that out there.
I should write better blogs but i don't really have the time right now.

But i am in this video:

amelia likes comments... just saying.

So, the question is... if I do not have my guitar up in Syracuse then why is there a pick lying on my bedside "table"??
RANDOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and yes, i left the m out on purpose. Why? I do not know.)




she is so fierce.
best "leap of faith" ever if i do say so myself.

(for those of you know don't know about the wonder that is antonique smith, you can see her kickass in NOTORIOUS as faith evans. and also she doesn't usually play maureen, she spent most of her rent-career as an amazing riffing fabulous mimi marquez, where all the scars of the nevers and maybes DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, lets goooo ouuuuuut tonight... okay, i'll shut up now.)

edit: that was a really spastic blog, im in a very hyper mood, yet overtired at the same time. odd.

woops

oh man, MAJOR mishap... let's NOT do that again.
let's also not double our weight again at 3am, k?

i was bored and made this: http://www.scrapblog.com/0248D5B7-5242/60278211-660B


and here is the video of the day

Does anyone still read this?

1. I need more straight male friends

2. I need more straight male potential more than friends

3. Basically, I need more testosterone in my life. Sorry, was that awkward? 

4. My first article for the D.O. (or school newspaper) is due on February 9th. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little bit nervous. 

5. I've decided to audition for WhAT again this semester. I miss having theatre in my life. Then again, i don't miss being rejected from everything I audition for and that will probably happen again so really I just don't know what I bother sometimes.

6. I really, really like my classes this semester

7. there is going to be a LOT more work in sophomore fiction workshop than I had expected.

8. i really like statistics so far and im so relieved because i was sooo worried that it was going to be boring (for those of you who dont know me, i'm a closet math dork)

9. I'm even MORE relieved about other things... but im not going to post that here. Inquire if you care.

10. 

preparing for national hourly comic day

and a video for the road

yay obama
boo other people.
that is all.

here's one for the road (ive decided to post some of my youtube faves on my entries)

1. I dont get why, as a magazine major, i need to take this news writing class. I want to write for MAGAZINES, that means that I like my flowy, wordy, vocabulary infused essays. Why should I have to learn how to simplify and boringify my writing when after this class I have every intention on writing as I've been. It also would be nice if the profile thing we have to write for tomorrow was oh, you know, explained...

2. A pipe burst outside or something and now my dorm has no water. I shouldn't have to go out in 9ºF feels like -3ºF weather just to go to another building to pee. (sorry if that was graphic, but as i always say its my blog if is you dont like it dont read it lol)

3. I am sick. I have been sneezing uncontrollably. Like not even kidding, I dont think it is human to sneeze this much.

4. its my bday

New Blog ON TIME

so even though i'm behind on the others i figured i'd catch us all up in this direction.
so...

Thursday, January 8th
woke up super early this morning because matt had to move his car before 9. Said goodbye, met Becca for coffee and I felt bad bc i was running so late. Came back napped did a whole lot of nothing. Made some spanish notecards because i decided that if im going to take spanish 2 next semester i had BETTER be caught up in the language. Had peanut butter and jelly for lunch Really didnt do much else until heights lotto, which i didn't win and i didnt end up going to the standards/prigs/elizabeth/a zillion other things concert :-( got pizza w/ Allison at Patzeria. I got the white spinach slize. I've decided that it is my goal to try every single one of their vegetarian slices because their pizza is so freaking good and who knows i could be missing out on something amazing. However i really think that the tomato, basil, and fresh mozzarella can NOT be beat. walked around a lot went to virgin records bought a really cute beatles shirt that says "come together" and has an image thats kind of hard to describe on the front, and on the back it has the lyrics and notes to the song. its red. and i bought the tales of beatle bard or whatever and i bought rocky horror because it was only $10. OH! AND WE SAW HUNTER BELL!!!! ay hunter! then i went home and watched gossip girl and wasted more time. enthralling day, yes?

okay

i need to catch up because i want to go back to writing random thoughts and crap so ill try to not get behind as well as fill in the holes... soo why dont we start with yesterday and then i'll go back into the previous entry to fill in more on the PR trip and man i havent even touched boston yet. not sure why i feel SO compelled to have a detailed report of everything single day but i dont know i like to do that and then look back on EVERYTHING i did over break and feel accomplished

Wednesday, January 7th
Woke up kind of early b/c matt called since his gps asked if my address was in Brooklyn, NY, Staten Island, NY, or New York, NY so I told him and then went back to bed for a while. Eventually woke up kind of lounged around and chilled for a while until he got here. He got lost on the wa so it was about 2 or so when he did. Met him downstairs and helped him find a place to park his car. This is all so enthralling, I know.
Anyways... then we hung out here for a bit, left sami a facebook video and figured out wht to do. we decided to go to the shakespeare bookstore, which is on 68th and lex and we walked there even though its a little over a mile walk AND it was raining. But the place was cool, the people who work there seemed nice it looks like it would be a cool place to work actually. I got distracted by the book "things white people like" then we left. We were going to go to the MoMa but we stopped at FAO Shwartz on the way bc matt had never been there (he's only been to the city once before) by the time we got to the MoMa it was closing (the MoMa is on 53rd b/w 5th and 6th, meaning we walked about 3 miles) so we decided to get into a cab and go to patzeria which, i assured matt, is the best pizza in new york city. He agreed after. I tried the granny with extra cheese, which was amazing but the basil, tomato, and fresh mozzerella will always be my fave. Then we saw Jordan! which was cool since she lives in Ohio and I never get to see her but she was here for the day seeing speed-the-plow and equus. After Patzeria-ing we walked around times square and eventually got to Madison Square Garden for the Ranger Game. We went in and bought shirts, both of our were pretty snazzy then changed into them and went to our seats. Even though the rangers lost it was really a great game, very exciting, some crazy fans too. Like that guy in the suit who kept constantly screaming. After the game we walked back to the richard rogers (so thats almost a mile each way from msg to the rr) and met up with sean who had seen in the heights but just seemed really really tired. then we went to juniors and go cheese cake. then we went back here and made videos and also watched these amusing videos.




then went to sleep. yay.

crap

there is NO WAY I'm going to remember everything so I'm going to backtrack while things are still fresh in my mind, and add them in while i get a chance.

Sunday January 4th
So we decided to sleep in late since it was supposed to rain, but alas it was gorgeous out. Oh well, there was no way we could have known. So Viviana, her family, Terrance, Leilani, and I all went to old san juan. It was a lot of fun. I got a Piragua! yay! I got piña, it was kind of too sweet but whatever. We walked through this photo-gallery which was pretty neat, there was a lot of cool stuff there. Also there was the most UH-MAY-ZING sunset that we took pictures in front of and it was glorious. We ate dinenr at a restaurant and it was good though i realized half way through that my dish had bacon in it even thoug it was supposed to be vegetarian but i wasnt going to make a big deal of it so i just stopped eating it and that was fine. Went back to viv's but decided not to go to sleep (except viviana did) because we were going to have to get up at 5am anyway. So we drank nuts and berries and left people facebook videos, which unfortunately didnt have sound. lame. then we made sandwhich which were DELECTABLE and joked about what would happened if we made the sandwhiches drunk, (egg and peanut butter sandwhich, yogurt and maho sandwhich, apple pie and mustard sandwhich) ew.

Monday January 5th
Viviana got up at about 5:30AM and we hustled to get everything together in the car to go to La Isla Culebra. It's amazing how much traffic there was before 6AM we picked up viv's friends ben and andrea who are juniors but also go to SU (andrea lives in pr and ben was just visiting) luckily we made it to get tickets for the ferry. Although we made it, the vodka did not which also resulted in vodka soaked car, vodka soaked towel, and vodka soaked sandwiches. woops. We didnt get the deck so the inside was FREEEZINGGG but whatever it was a nice ride, fell asleep for a bit. - okay there is a lot to write about the beach ands tuff but its 2:20AM, 3:20 PR time so im going to go to bed and finish this mañana-

okay I'm back... so where was I? oh yes the ferry. Okay so eventually we got there are we took a van type thing to the beach. The beach was ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING! I will post pictures later but trust me when I say it was UNBELIEVABLY BEAUTIFUL! However it was kind of cloudy when we got there but we went in the water anyway because its the beach, its water, its the middle of winter, and its puerto rico. So it was kind of cold but whatever. Eventually the sun came out and it was sooo nice. we all fell asleep on the beach (which resulted in a bit of a burn on my part but i DID where sunscreen, its just almost inevitable ugh) So really nothing exciting happened it was just a wonderful day. We all fell asleep on the ride back too.

We got back to Viv's kinda late but her mom made us the most amazing dish which was this black eyed peas mix w/ rice and eggplant and it was just all delicioso! We all showered and left to go the the Bob Sinclaire concert. I honestly was soooooo tired though. We went to 3 different places to pick up the TICKETS but they all didnt work and it was just getting so late. We got to the place and they told terrance that he couldn't even inquire about the tickets which is crazy. We also had all this parking issues and basically got hit by a fence (dont even ask) So (to terrance's dismay) we decided to go. We were going to try to go to another bar or something but since it was a Monday night they were all closed, so we went back to viv's house and on the way played the i-tunes shuffle game, which was amusing. We got back, had nuts and berries. oh wait, nuts and berries with CHOCOLATE milk, which we named a black russian. and passed out.

Tuesday January 6th
Fairly slow, yet busy day. Slept in late while Viviana went to go pick up her phone. Viv's Mom made pancakes for breakfast which were AMAZING because everything she makes is just incredible. FINALLY terrance woke up at like 2pm and we just chatted w/ viv's mom and chilled and then made "apology videos" on facebook. Anyone who knows me will know that i am addicted to the fact that my computer has a video camera on it. Viv came back we had lunch (leftover black eyed peas and rice from last night which, of course, were amazing) and then viv drove me to the airport and i flew home. I miss PR though it was so warm and happy and warm and warm, and freaking warm. SOOOO not looking forward to the 12ft of snow that is apparently piled up in Syracuse. Of course its late and, therefore, colder but for kicks lets check the weather in syracuse [goes to check weather] 26º feels life 14º rain and sleet. Ouch. f*cking cuse.

left behind

gah im so behind hopefully i can remember everything