blah

So I guess what it all comes down to is that life is about choices, and choices are hard to make. And sometimes we make the wrong choices. Sometimes those wrong choices are innocent ones. We didn't know, we couldn't have known, and therefore, we can't kick ourselves for them. hell... maybe it'll all work out, right? The only thing to do now is accept the choices we've made and move forward from there. Some are worth correcting, some are meant to be left as they are and just move on. word.

Rocky Horror, Raúl Esparza, and Broadway... oh my!

woah?

Holy crap. somehow, someway... that worked.
I posted that blog and just felt encouraged, empowered. Even though I didn't even thing about what I had written, maybe it was just wedged in the back of my head. But I just started writing and I wrote and I wrote (and I thank you dalton for teaching me how to bullshit)

It's like a weight has been lifted.
Damn, that feels good.

calm down, missy.

Okay, Amelia, okay.
think.
Everything is art.
EVERYTHING.
You just need to color the canvas with words that aesthetically match together in a way that is understandable.
They need to make sense.
You can always go back and fix the edges.
but now it needs to be onto the page.
Art is made when there is a need to express it.
you NEED to get this done.
it must be completely.
You must paint a picture. with words.
and then you can fix it. later.
your struggle is the struggle of any artist. Completion is key. Once you are done you can rest.
You can not quit in the middle of a piece. You must persevere.
ready, set, go!

Day 6

I got a gift certificate to Ohm Spa for Chanukah so i decided to use it yesterday. I got a massage and it was glorious, as massages often are. (not that I often get massages, but on the occasion that I do they are quite glorious.) Then I walked from there to the Sephora on 34th and used my gift certificate that my Aunt gave me for my birthday there and got new bronzer, powder, mascara, and eyeliner. Also glorious. Then I walked most of the way home.

Viviana eventually got here. Yay. Then we went to eat dinner at the mansion then rented Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist, which was awesome. And that pretty much sums it up.

I think I posted this a while back but... so much love!

Day 5

woke up kinda late, when on another cooking adventure. I made whole wheat pasta with spinach and roasted garlic and portobello mushrooms, mozerella, and a liberal amount marinara sauce. Becca came over and i fed her lol.

Then Chris came in and we left epic videos on people's facebook walls. Good times, man, good times. Then we headed down to Hair lotto and penski met us there to help, which was nice, yet WE BOTH WON!!!! i neverrrr win lotto. like ever. so that was exciting. Then i made him go to the amazingness that is patzeria. I wanted order "Quiero una abuela por favor" but I got shy so just asked for a grandma slice in english. I got too. BEST PIZZA IN THE ENTIRE CITY!!!

Then we wandered around, went to the drama book shop <3 then went to hang out with Brian at the Nederlander for a bit. THEN WE SAW HAIR...

OMG SO AMAZING!!!! it was like one big hippie party and i got to dance on stage at the end. Yay!!!

Then we went to st. marks got bubble tea at st. alps then bought things. then went home.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Daphne Rubin-Vega

Day 4

woke up and chilled around the house for a bit then was like... I NEED TO GET OUT!!
but I didn't instead I made some caprese a la melia... it was great I like roasted garlic w/ pepper and chives (and a pinch of salt) and then put slices of tomato on the pan with slices of fresh mozzarella on top then when the the cheese began to melt a bit I put to garlic on top and put the whole shebang in the fridge to cool, then we ate them with dinner. Gosh I love cooking. I think when I'm done posting thing I'll go cook something else.

Eventually I left the house and took my work with me. Holy crap that textbook is so freaking boring. I sat down with it for an hour and barely got anything done. Anyway I took the subway down to 14th street and decided that if it is after 4:15pm when i get out then i will go work in my usual cafe, B-Cup on 13th and B... and if it is before 4:15pm, I will take the L to Williamsburg. It was 4:07pm so I went to the L. Oh and I found my potential soulmate but I didn't talk to him. If I eveer see him again though... lol.
So in the short amount of time of 6 minutes I was off in Brooklyn and wandered around, saw a record store and checked it out, then found a random little coffee shop and did my magazine homework. Then I wandered a bit more and took the train back home. Got off the L at 1st avenue and 14th street, walked till about 30th and got on the bus because I had too many thoughts in my mind not to write them down. Then I got off the bus somewhere in the 70s and walked the rest of the way home.

Then I had dinner with my Mom and got ready for Miscast... which was freaking awesome. So much talent RAÚL ESPARZA (swoon), Alice Ripley was fierce, and Daniel Breaker is probably the best Elle Woods ever!! I saw Lin there and he gave me a huge hug, I felt special. Then I went home and passed basically the entire in the heights cast at WSS stagedoor.

dazzit.

babies singing beatles makes me happy

day 3

nothing.
seriously. i did nothing all day.
except the good thing i mentioned before.
and i went to the grocery store.
and had indian food for dinner.
and it wasn't even good.
and now i feel lethargic.


this one is the best. ay hunter.

of course...

and just as expected, she falls right back in.
I feel so vulnerable, I can't stand it.
I need to go make art. its the one thing i'm decent at.

edit: omg i cant believe i just did that. relief.

day 2

So yesterday once i was up and ready i went to go get brunch with ava. I wanted to walk... so I did. I walked 3+ miles but then was running late so I hopped in a cab and met her at the smith, which is a restaurant downtown. It was really cute and the food was good. Then we went to some frozen yogurt place (there are so many of them these days) called Sixteen Handles. I was stuffed so I didnt get anythign, but it was self serve, which is pretty cool and they also had dozens of flavors. also cool. Allison met us there and that was fun. Then we went to ava's dorm aka amazing apartment that i am so jealous of and hung out for a bit. I met maya and her other suitemate who's name I can't remeber and Rob came over for a bit. Then I had to go.

i went home showered and went to kelly's she also has a really sick apartment. I am really really jealous of everyone'e sick apartments, but its okay because my housing for the spring is unbelievable. We just hung out, nothng special but I hadn't seen her in a while so that was good.

Then I met up with my camp friends at a sushi place on 31st street, it was small but the sushi was actually pretty decent. It was great to see them since I hadnt in forever as well. At lot of them were going to alcapulco which apparently is really unsafe right now. I hope everything is okay.

Then i left a bit early and went to the rockwood and the guy didnt let me in and i was so upset. So i litterally just stood outside watching and i was like emotional anyway so eventually he was just like "go in, but don't lie to me again" or whatever THANKFULLY so i watched to rest of Johnny's set. It was good, he's been better, but it was still fun. He sort of peaced right after though. Then the prigs went on and that was a ton of fun. I mean its exactly my "type" of music per se, but its just really engaging and fun, they just seem like a great group of guys and you know that they enjoy themselves. Then the "led slead players" aka "the steel park rangers" aka "gretchen, sven, and sven" played and they did a ton of covers but also in the underground, sad song, a james smith original, and goodbye midnight. Honestly it was just really great to see them though.

I forgot a video yesterday but I'm not going to do 2 now because that would just be overkill
I'm not sure if this is funny if you haven't watched "Legally Blonde: the search for the next elle woods," haven't seen in the heights, or are not familiar with the broadway people but whatever, i love it.

BREAK TIME

this break i'm going to try to actually keep up to date here.
so friday...

Well Thursday night was technically vacation because I was done with classes so I went to see Mark's show "Little Person" which I really enjoyed a lot. I was nervous because I had hear about it being "interesting" and "different" and "weird" and sometimes those words can imply "pretentiously odd for the sake of being odd" but it wasn't like that at ALL. Yeah, it was experimental but really they were just taking material and having fun with it. It was awesome. (oh and earlier i got sushi with sami and allie)
Did lots of unimportant things at school friday then Sami drove us to bus station, where the line was absolutely insane. But then we got there, the bus was relatively quick and not too bad minus the screaming baby...

But okay NEW YORK. Just seeing it made me so happy. I can't imagine anywhere else I would want to be right now. We got off the bus and since we were early, Robbie and I realized we both had an hour to kill. Robbie wass like, "I kind of want to drink." Same page. we went to blockhead and sat outside, which was freezing, but their margaritas made it worth it. thats what robbie's drink looked like i thought that was cool.

Then we parted our seperate ways and I met Jan and her friends at the life cafe. I love jan's friends and I love the life cafe. I got hot chocolate and a grilled cheese w/ avacado sandwhich. It was all realy good but i was soo full and ate it anyway. Oh well, whatever. i also had a bite of the ridiculously amazing fudge cake that we got for Jan's bday. And Jan and I signed the rent registry. Sad times.

Greasy Pizza

"You'd better know that in the end, its better to say too much than never say what you need to say again. Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken. Even as the eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open. Say what you need to say"

So I've decided that the first thing I'm doing when I get home (okay well not first, but one of the firsts) is buying lots and lots of healthy food. And cooking a lot. And making healthy things. And not eating gross things like really greasy pizza... when I'm not even hungry. Yuck. Don't get me wrong, really good pizza when you really really want it is excellent but right now I just feel so gross and want to go like work out and eat a salad instead. Next time I want to go for junk I should remember how I feel right now and how good it feels when you have a healthy meal.

o, hay! I'm in this vid.


edit (dont feel like making a new entry)I feel liike shit right now and i also feel overexposed. Why do i suddenly have so much motivation to change and why is that making me then upset?

finally

so i had a revelation.
the time has come.
to move on.
and i am ready now.
i just hope i don't change my mind!!!

things are happening, things are moving, i can feel it. I am filled with so much optimism today with no real reason for it. I love this though i want it to continue.

This quote is so far off from describing my life, in fact, it's almost the complete opposite. However, I am for some reason connecting with the emotions that it conveys. I do not know why. I don't care.

Cry, but not too often,
Play, but not too rough.
Keep a tender distance
so we'll both be free.
That's the way it ought to be.
I'm ready!
Marry me a little,
Do it with a will.
Make a few demands
I'm able to fulfill.
Want me more than others,
Not exclusively.
That's the way it ought to be.
I'm ready!
I'm ready now!
- Company

daily video:

that letter was thrown at me. patti lupone made eye contact. with me. scariest/ most incredible moment of my life thus far.