beauty

looking out of my twenty-something-th floor window at the overwhelming flow of lights and sky scrapers, then standing on my terrace looking eastward at the river, the bridge, and more lights I re-fell in love with my beautiful city. 

$$

I have GOT to stop spending so much Money.

Also I have GOT to get to Chicago. 

Which of course involves... (drum role please) spending more MONEY!

And getting out of jury duty...

Even though no one reads my blog anymore I'd still like to start posting videos again. This one was created by the wonderfully talented Nitya who I had the pleasure of meeting yesterday.

Also here is some art that I have created:

fail.

my whole being healthy thing totally just jumped out the window.

I have GOT to get back on track.

On the bright side i've got my first voice lesson today so that should be fun. 

too bad I feel like crap right now. 

la la la

so... I signed up for a bdc club card, bought a pair of ballet slippers, and am on my way to becoming a prima ballerina... well not quite but let's take this thing one step at a time.

Also I TOTALLY forgot reading on my list. I have a hugeeee pile of books waiting to be read (because i tend to buy books compulsively) so I want to get those done.

Here is the list of books, in no particular order other than the order I picked them up out of the box that they are in.

1. Charmed Thirds - Megan McCaffferty

2. eat, pray, love - Elizabeth Gilbert

3. The Memory Keeper's Daughter - Kim Edwards

4. Brighton Beach Memoirs - Neil Simon 

5. Fully Empowered - Pablo Neruda

6. Oleanna - David Mamet

7. Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk

8. The Audacity of Hope - Barack Obama

9. A Good Man is Hard to Find - Flannery O'Connor

10. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - J.R.R. Tolkien

11. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou

12. The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka

13. The Kitchen God's Wife - Amy Tan

14. Gulliver's Travels - Jonathan Swift 

15. Emma - Jane Austen

16. I Married a Communist - Philip Roth

17. Beloved - Toni Morrison 

18. Night - Ellie Wiesel

19. Lolita - Vladamir Nabokov

20. "Why are all the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?" - Beverly Daniel Tatum

21. Collected Short Stories of F. Scott itzgerald

22. Beowulf

23. Portraits and Observations: The Essays of Truman Capote

24. Just Who will you Be? - Maria Shriver

25. Indignation - Philip Roth

26. The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test  Tom Wolfe

27. Clock Without Hands - Carson mcCullers

28. Complete Short Fiction - Oscar Wilde

29. The Book Theif - Markus Zusak

30. The Tales of Beedle the Bard - JK Rowling 

31. The Almot Moon - Alice Sebold 

32. Straight from the Source - Kim Osario 

33. A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini

this summer, pre camp....

i would like to:
dance
sing
jam
drive
manage
watch
earn

realistically?
I will try my hardest to get to a few dance I made a schedule of all the ones I'd like to take at BDC and Serena which include an assortment of beginner ballet, jazz, theater, hip hop, african, and belly dancing. I'll have to experiment and see which teachers and types I like then i can continue with those.

I will contact Sasha's voice teacher, but really i can afford only a few lessons. Voice lessons are pricey.

I will call my old guitar teacher and see if he's still teaching and if he's still cheap. Then I'll schedule a lesson or two. I've been trying to teach myself but it just aint working

Drive? Yeah... not gonna happen. Sorry license, but you can wait. Plus it'd probably be easier to take the driving test next spring in cuse.

I applied for a few stage managing and various theatre jobs, so we shall see. Still need to apply for a few more but I got lazy so I only applied to the ones that didn't require cover letters.

Shows... I've already seen Rooms, I'm going to the [title of show] benefit tomorrow, and let's see what else I want to see (priorities in bold):

Want to see: 9 to 5, August Osage County, Guys and Dolls, Next to Normal, Reasons to be Pretty, Rock of Ages, Shrek the Musical, Phantom of the Opera, West Side Story 

Want to see again: Avenue Q, Billy Elliot, Hair, In the Heights, Jersey Boys, The Lion King, Wicked

Don't know anything about: 33 Variations, Accent on Youth, Blithe Spirit, Desire Under the Elms, Exit the King, God of Carnage, Irena's Vow, Joe Turner's Come and Gone, Mary Stewart, The Norman Conquests (X3), The Philanthropist

:-(

overall, despite obnoxious people and anxiety... its been a good year.
goodbye cuse, see ya in JANUARY

in an attempt to focus

I put on the nutcracker, its baiscally the only music i've got without lyrics on itunes... thinking that it wouldn't istract me. But no, it did. I just want t sit and listen. I love the nutcracker.

I should start making a things I love list again, I'm starting to need it. Let's do this not obvious things. Random happy good things.
Okay
1. The Nutcracker.
2. Thunder storms at camp, just lying around.
3. My roommate's noisemaker. Seriously I don't know how I'm going to sleep without "waterfall" when I get home lol I've become addicted.

Now I will attempt to learn chapter one of statistics. Or something. bye. [7:08pm]

Now all of my music is pissing me off an i cant focus I know none of this wtf is wrong with me fml [8:50pm]

ive started using stuff i've learned in acting in like everyday stuff... like math i'm trying to memorize ideas, not words. ugh I'm going to fail fml [11:53pm]

bs

this is such bullshit
I deserve better.
but somehow
i can't stop thinking about it
he is driving me mad.
all i want to do is NOT care.

fucking mixed signals.
or maybe the signals are clear and I'm just denying them.
either way.
fuck him.
figuratively.