Lyrics

There are so many lyrics that I love and i just so wish that they could pertain to my life, you know. Or sometimes they do pertain to my life, but I can't let anyone know that. And sometimes they don't pertain to my life but I like the quote but I don't want to use it because I think that people will think that it pertains to my life. Or sometimes its something that I want to pertain to my life and I'm scared that if I use it then it won't come true.

But alas, quote of the moment that is stuck in my head: "As a matter of fact, there's no turning back, I got you, girl, you're my heart attack. It's not the things that you say its the things that you do, that make me wanna get next to you. And I wish that everybody would feel the way I do when I'm lying next to you." - Andrew Ripp

Fakeness

I hate fake people.
I HATE fake people.
Like, I really fucking hate fake people.
Just say. it. to. my. face. bitch.
Really though, it's bitchier to be nice to someone's face and then nasty behind that person's back. For anyone who is reading this. I like honesty. I can handle the fucking truth and I can take a hint. So do yourself and me a favor and don't be a fucking asshole. Entiendas?

Also, is it better to discover something or to live in ignorance, which, after all, is bliss? I think that sometimes we think we want to know something, and we think that is what would be good for ourselves but in actuality, we would be better off not knowing, but it's nearly impossible to convince oneself of that. It is for this reason, I believe. Ignorance is bliss if it is truly ignorance. If there is even a tiny hint of suspicious, then it is just not knowing, which is worse, it is always worse. At least in my case, where it leads, often to paranoia. 

Whatever, fuck them fake bitches, I'm better than that. 

Nothing to make a girl feel better than some Darcy and Seth and some JamesHeatherJames love. ooooh the Bowery Ball Room

tragedy

Article in the Daily News
Article in the New York Post
NBC article and Video

* MOST RECENT *

Its weird for something to hit so close to home yet be so distant at the same time. I didn't know him, but I know people who did. I knew who he was. It's shocking, frightening, heart wrenching. It's really an awful thing. Yet I feel like I should be more affected by it and feel awful that I'm not. Perhaps it just hasn't hit me yet how real this is.

One thing that this did do was make me feel a connection with my high school again. Dalton truly is a community. Everyone I know made their status "my thoughts are with the dalton community" or "sending my love to Dalton." Such an incredible support system, it angers me that people blame the school for this tragic event. I worry about the 4th graders too, who were at recess when this occurred. It must have been so scarring. This is something they are going to remember for the rest of their lives.

My thoughts are with dalton, with him, his family, his friends, and everyone who was affected by this horrible incident. R.I.P.

no video today.

perfect sense

gosh you know those moments where everything just... falls into place. It all makes perfect sense now ;-)
i feel smug.

TOS and LMM two of my favoritist things:

time and place

So I was talking to a friend las night, sort of depressed (beverage consumption being a factor), about the fact that I have never been in a serious relationship. To which he replied, "babe, you're looking in all the wrong places."
me: i don't know if I'm really looking though
him: trust me you are
me: well, where am I supposed to look
him: maybe you're not supposed to be looking right now.

So then I thought, maybe I've just always been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now this idea may make me feel better about myself, but then again it's a pretty depressing notion. Always being in the wrong place at the wrong time means multitudes of missed opportunities. Have I wasted away valuable time that I could have been in the right place? But how would I have known. And also how can I stop looking if I didn't realize I was looking the first place?

Or maybe I have been in the wrong place at the wrong time (or the right place at the wrong time, or the wrong place at the right time) in this situation, but maybe I was supposed to be there. Maybe I have not found the one (or the 2, or the 3, I'm not sure I really believe in the whole soulmate thing) but maybe in those places I was filling some other void in my life. Maybe if I was somewhere else I could have started a relationship but in the place I was in I met an amazing friend or I made a good decision that impacted the rest of my life (butterfly affect, anyone?) All I know is that I am tired of waiting, I am tired of trying, it's just not easy to move past that.

video of the day:


these bitchin ladies will tell you whats up, caren lyn manuel and karmine alers ftw.

recruitment?

I don't get why sorority rush is called "recruitment." Just because like, who are they recruiting? These girls all already knew they wanted to be in a sororities some of them are even desperate to be in sororities, to be in particular sororities. If anything I think it should be called "decruitment" as in... Who can we eliminate? Who do we NOT want in our house? Who can we not accept? Or maybe they usually try to recruit people but last year when I rushed I was just so awful and they all wanted to get rid of me. Those of you know me, that's not me being paranoid, that's me being sarcastic. Clearly I know I'm not an awful person, which is why I think the system is absurd.

So this came out sort of strong. I don't hate sororities, truly. Clearly, i even wanted to be in one last year. I have friends who love it. I was considering even rushing again because there are a couple sororities that I actually really like and would happy to be a part of. I just think that the system of rush is absolutely ridiculous. It's hurtful, and it's absurd. I can't tell you how many girls I've seen burst into tears because a group of bitches decided that they didn't want to accept her based on talking to the girl for like .2 seconds. Last year when I rushed I was really unhappy. I was getting really sick, I was fighting with my roommate, and I was fighting with my friend from home, so then being flat out rejected by people, who in the long run, made no difference, I just was not in a good mood. So of course the houses didn't want me. No one wants someone moping around or whatever, but I'm a generally happy person, these girls didn't know me. By rushing they couldn't know that this is not how I usually am.

I am so glad I didn't decide to rush again, i would not want to put myself through that utter judgmental hell. And don't get me started on the pledging process.

I found my group, It's called Alpha Phi Omega, they are not exclusive, they don't haze, they always make me happy. I could not ask for a better group of brothers. Maybe that's because I didn't need to put on an inch of makeup, a fake smile, and a pair of skinny jeans, just to be accepted. I've said it a million times, but when I am with APO people, I am truly myself.
-----------------------------------

This video always makes me cry:

happiness

i just wanted to say that i really love all my courses this semester and I am just generally feeling happy.
At the moment, anyway.

This video is like the encompassment of amazingness