thats a lot of blogs

This is my 120th blog post... I wonder how many of these are filled with stupid crap, and angry rants. I think its time to invite more happiness into my life. More peacefulness, more calm, more achievement. I don't know. I'm sick of complaining but its of a comfort zone for me. I've always done it. It's easy and convenient. I guess in some ways I'm a sub-conscious self masochist. I like to make myself feel bad about shit because its comfortable there, its easy to do. Probably why I always go for the asshole boys who don't treat me the way I know I deserve. It's like I oddly like it and I oddly like complaining about it. I'm probably disposing too much personal information, but I had to get it out.

It's time for change. I just don't know how to change. I have the desire to change but not the motivation. fuck.