i hope it works

As Rent gets closer I'm getting more and more excited. Yet I'm worried. What if it doesn't do for me what I need it to. I've always said that Rent's been there for me when I needed it and blah blah blah, but really right now my brain is just one hot mess.

I need something, I need comfort, hopefully this will be a comfort zone to turn to. I mean it's not like I don't have friends, i do, and I have a great family too. But with friends its like one by one they keep disappointing me and trusting the others is becoming increasingly difficult. And some can just be so so sooo selfish. It kills me. Why are people like that? I guess it's hard for me to understand because I'm so not like that. EVERYONE else comes before me. Not to put myself on some kind of moral pedestal here, but its true, I really do care about others first (not to say that I don't care about myself as well.)

I wrote this as a facebook note. I doubt he saw it though. Or if he did I doubt he knew it was about him. Or if he did I doubt he cared. This is a different "he" by the way, i just like being a little vague sometimes.

Loves it.
no really, i just love when people don't give a shit about anyone else.
Seems to be a pattern these days. I can't stand selfishness.
Or bullshitting. Or fakeness. Or any of that crap.

I've said it once and I'll say it again.

People suck.
People really just do.
It's what i've learned and I don't know how to change it.

 I know how petty this all sounds, really, I do. But it bothers me so much, probably a lot more than it should. And you know what else bothers me... when people DONT RESPOND TO TEXT MESSAGES. Just don't even get me started. How hard is it to type, "can't I'm sorry" if you can't (or even if you can but don't want to... not that I condone that but still better than nothing) ugh... I'm just sick of it, sick of feeling left out all the time, sick of being paranoid that everyone hates me, but its hard to be more confident when time and time again people don't pull through.

I drew this:

Okay, so maybe linking everyone to it was a bit of an attempt for attention, but fine. I need it. I need compliments right now. I'll admit it. I need to feel like I'm at least a little bit appreciated somehow, so if it's through art... so be it.

Gosh I just hate people sometimes, so much.

And on that note rent, rent, rent, rent, rent, rent, in 4 days!!!!!