not a failure, just a glitch in the system.

so... i kind of took a cab today because i was running really late, but then to make up for that I walked home from times square, which is about 4 miles. Bleh. Oh well, that just leads me to another resolution-y thing. DON'T BE LATE!! the thing is, I want more than a resolution, the reason resolutions always fail is because they're missing a plan. I haven't figured out what my plan is to not be late yet so I'll wait on that.

But number 4 for now is a biggie... NO MORE GOSSIP. No talking shit, not spreading rumors, none of that. I will not say negative things about people to others unless they really, really, really, really, really, really deserve it. What does it solve? Nothing. Yay. Resolution. Don't talk shit. And don't complain either. No one likes negative people. be happy and talk about happy things. Yay happiness.

MORE more more

Here are some of my RIGHT NOW RESOLUTIONS!!!

1. NO MORE TAXIS. No. They are expensive and stupid. For the rest of break, I will only take a cab if it is absolutely vital to my safety or well being. Otherwise, you've got a Metrocard, Amelia, use it! Ooh, or Walk if its not negative 600 degrees. there's a novel idea!!

2. No more coffee. No grande tripple expresso shot sugar-free-vanilla soy lattes. None of that. It's all about the tea.

3. Well, this is going to take place at school but I guess I can get into the habit now. This is gonna be hard to stick to, really hard. But I want to set aside an hour every single day to do work. I'm going to be soooo busy especially if i do get a job (crossies) and with all my extra-curriculars on top of the insane workload. (Not to mention, I want to be social and party, sorry, I do.) So if I have a scheduled time where I must sit down and do work that would be useful. Like I'll put it in my planner and I can always "reschedule it" but it must be done, every day, one hour at least. If I'm done with work, get ahead. So over break I can spend that time working on my play. Okay maybe EVERY DAY is too extreme, but let's say 5 times a week. I'll give myself thursdays off because it's the end of the week the last thing I'm going to want to think about is homework. But I think its a good idea at any rate and a great habit to get into.

resolute.

I'm going to be honest, I've never been big on resolutions. I'm not sure why, I guess I just can never take them seriously, I try, but I never follow through. Plus I always feel like its so arbitrary, like what's the point of saying in November or December, "In 2010 I'm going to get into to shape and eat healthy" like... if you want to get into shape and eat healthy, why not start now?

I don't know. Okay this is going to sound weird, I'm not sure if I mentioned on here, but I had a reading done in London, which is something I've always wanted to do. (Actually, I'm pretty sure I did talk about it, but I guess I can repeat the part that's relevant to this) He talked about ridding myself of all the negative energy and negative people around me before the age of 21. 21 is a multiple of seven so it is an important birthday, and I need to clear myself of everything so the next seven years can go as smoothly as possible.

So I know New Years is a couple days away, but why not start right now? What can I do to enter into my 21st year (i guess I get a 2 week extension on New Years?) feeling good and feeling happy and positive?

Well I've been taking dance, but honestly I think I won't anymore, at least not at BDC. I like the class, love the teachers, love the studio, but there are a lot of people in the dance classes that make me feel negative. They come in with their perfect bodies, perfect flexibility, perfect balance, perfect coordination, and perfectly competitive and bitchy attitudes. And it's like... dude this is a "BASIC LEVEL CLASS" that's less than BEGINNER LEVEL!! Are they just there to show off? I don't get it. Either way it makes me feel bad about myself and I don't need that, I need to be clear of that. I do like their other classes though, I took this thing called "Gyrokenesis" I don't even know how to describe it was kind of like this rythmic yoga thing, but it was awesome, I could more or less follow, I don't think there were any stupid bitches in the class, and the teacher was amazing. I should start swimming again too. hmm...

money. I need to stop spending so much freaking money. I mean, most of it is on worthwhile things, but still, I can't just throw everything I've got to the Broadway stage, though at least its going to the arts and not like... I don't know, crack or something, right? But yeah, once I see everything I want to see, and maybe HAIR one or two more times then I need to chill. There is so much else ot do in the city, I don't need to be in Times Square every single night. I need to start looking for a job, too. I guess I can't really get one before I turn 21, but I can try to start looking, I mean, I really can't go much further than campus and marshall street since I don't have a car or anything, but hopefully there's something available. I reallllly want to work at starbucks!! But back to the resolutions thing. Instead of saying "when i go back to syracuse I'm going to stop spending so much money" I'm going to say right now, "I am going to stop spending so much money NOW." Stop it, Amelia.

Creativity. Now that I'm going to be seeing shows less often, I really should take the time to read, catch up on these films, Oh, and WRITE MY PLAY!! How great would that be if I could enter into my 21st year having a decent amount written of this play. That would be great. I also haven't made real art in a while, I should definitely keep up at it. I like taking voice lessons, but I may need to save some of that money. Same goes for guitar. meh.

No more putting shit into my body!! I haven't really drank much alcohol since London, so that's good, time to cleanse and all, right? I've also mostly switched from coffee to tea, though I suppose decaf tea would be even better. But hey, its a start. I just need to not eat junk food. cheese is bad, but it's so damn good. ah.. well we're working on it. and by we, I mean me. But you know, I'm not like going to deprive myself.

The Chroni-what-cles of Melia

I'm going to copy Frankie and Chronicle my vacation:

Films Seen:

Funny People (on the plane)

Nine (In theatres, with Stef and Andrew)

Fight Club

Blow

Good Will Hunting

Requiem for a Dream

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Shawshank Redemption

A Clockwork Orange

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Avatar

Broken Embraces

Plays Seen:

HAIR - 12/18

HAIR - 12/19

Race - 12/23

HAIR - 12/24

Memphis - 12/26

Fela! - 12/26

Next to Normal - 12/29

Ragtime 12/30

Superior Donuts - 1/2

In the Heights 1/5

In the Next Room 1/8

Hair 1/9

Hair 1/13

Finian's Rainbow 1/13

In the Heights 1/14

Concerts Attended:

Jason Mraz and The Broadway Inspirational Voice at Feinstein's

2010: An Equality Odyssey at Joe's Pub

FLS at Ars Nova

Johnny Gallagher at the Rockwood

Mostly Sondheim at the Duplex

Lessons and classes:

Pilates 12/21

Voice - 12/21

AI Flexibility - 12/23

Gyrokinesis - 12/28

Basic Broadway Jazz - 12/29

Voice - 12/30

Basic Broadway Jazz - 12/31

Guitar - 1/3

Voice 1/7

Double Voice 1/11

Currently Reading: Beloved - Toni Morrison

and - The Three Uses of the Knife - David Mamet

sleep

I know a quieter New York. A New York where the only sound is the tap of your soles on the slushy winter pavement and the rustle of your double bagged over priced groceries against your thigh. I know a quieter New York where the engines and skidding tires and sirens and crowds are far out in the distance. I know a quieter New York where the "cheap colored lights" are dangled sporadically on the fire escapes of brown stones and on the high, high, windows of the taller buildings intertwined. I know a quieter New York where you don't need to wait for the traffic sign to change because the nearest yellow cab is miles and miles away. I know a quieter New York where the wind slashes your face so brutally that you're forced to take a deep breath and remember just how much you love this place. I know a quieter New York, where I could walk for miles and mile and always stay calm. My New York.

blahg

i used to love blogging, but now i honestly find it such a hassle and so... well, contrived. I don't know. I think I loved it back in the day on Xanga when EVERYONE had a xanga, and if you didn't have a xanga, you had a live journal.... and everyone READ everyone's xanga. REALLY read, commented, was interested, couldn't wait for their friends to write the next post, actively took silly quizzes and surveys, I don't know... the whole xanga community thing just worked...

But that's all died. No one reads anyone else's blog anymore, at least I don't think so. It just seems like they skim through and leave comments in hopes that the favor will be returned. Hell, I'm guilty of that from time to time. I don't know, I guess I just like to know that I have readers and that they care what I have to say, because otherwise what's the point of a blog, right? If I wanted to write to just myself I would do that in my journal.

I don't know, I'm not really sure what I'm getting at, i just feel like we've ventured far out into a world of apathy.

i need...

to start writing a play. I'm taking playwriting next semester and I need to get started now, I don't want to come into that class empty handed and with nothing.

So why am I drawing this blank? For someone who considers "passion" to be one of her greatest attributes and someone who constantly feels compelled to write, and unstoppable urge... why can I think of nothing? Themes and Concepts are sort of floating around the air, brushing me by and waiting to be grabbed, but characters and plot lines are just galaxies away from me.

What do I care about? What do I want to write about? No... what do I need to write about? That's it, that's when you know. A friend, a musician, singer/songwriter, asked recently for suggestions for his next song. I gave him a few ideas but then said, "But at the end of the day, with songwriting like any other writing others can only inspire you because passion is the only thing that will help you write or it will just sound random and contrived. I'm sure you've had this feeling before... when there is something you NEED to write about, you will know."

So I hold myself to that too... I guess I just hope I find something that I NEED to write about soon. I hope I find inspiration soon.

That being said I have a few ideas, I just don't know where I'm going with them: Obsession, that's a big one. I really want to write about obsession. Compassion, Independence, Connection. Yes, Connection. Connection, the hurt of disconnection, potentially leading to obsession or perhaps independence

My "creative non-fiction" professor this semester told us that the one thing that will make our pieces better is research. I need to research, learn more, discover.

It's gonna be a long road, but I'm willing to take the hike and hopefully build some stronger muscles along the way, after tackling the harder uphill climbs.

mraz-tastic

I wish my blog was as cool as Jason Mraz's blog. Well, let's be honest here, I wish i was as cool as Jason Mraz. He always has something important to say. His mind just works in such an interesting, beautiful way, his observations just really make you think. I'm much too lazy to write anything cool ever. I like his grip on life. I like his talent. I can't wait to finally see him perform live in exactly a week. I really, really, really hope I get to meet him!!

I'm reading "He's just not that into you" I don't know if I find it helpful or not yet. I need a good slap in the face so i guess it's kind of up to me to take it as such? Either way, its very truthful, kind of interesting, and definitely entertaining. Boys are assholes. Sorry boys, some of you are okay. I'm just over it.

London... 3 more days, freaking nuts. I can't believe its so close to being done. I'm definitely going to miss it a lot. I just hope that I don't regret anything, I'm really trying my best to make the most of it here.

well... on to studying for my one last final, which is on wednesday, perhaps I will come back later with something cool and intelligent to say... jason mraz style.

...

so much work, and in pain. no fun.

That being said, here are some things that make me smile.

Hot chocolate.

Freshly fallen snow, in NYC.

New York City.

Hugs.

Stuffed animals.

Puppies.

Friends.

Ice skating.

Smiles.

Compassion.

Caring.

Understanding.

Thoughtful advice.

Connections.

NOT the christmas songs that Starbucks is currently playing on repeat, it may be time to whip out the headphones soon.

music.

musicals.

plays.

books.

naps.

sleep.

thansgiving

we don't have that here :-(

soaring, flying

So i had a revelation on a swing today. I went for a run in Regents Park (shocking, I know!) and I came across a playground. And surprisingly enough this one didn't have a security guard in front of it requiring you to have a child with you if you're going inside.

I love swings, so naturally I decided to go on one, I mean I was by myself so who's judging? It's not like there was anyone on them. I like swings because you can really just let go. And it was on this swing that I realized swings are a metaphor of life. Or at the very least some challenge or another (for example, oh I don't know, running!)

In order to get up in the air, you need a lift. Sure, someone can push you, but when you're my age and height, you're pretty capable of doing it by yourself. The harder you push yourself off the ground, the higher you will fly. And the higher you get the easier the work is, by the time you've reached the top you don't even realize that you're working anymore even though your legs are still kicking. But be careful! If you try to swing too high you'll fall off and break your neck!

anyway, I thought that was cute or something.

me

I've been thinking a lot about change, about self, about personality. In an imaginary dialogue (I have those a lot) with an old friend, I said to him, "you know, I've changed a lot since you last saw me, I'm not the same girl I was in 8th grade." But even though I've changed, I'm still "me." But who am I? and how exactly have I changed?

Well for one thing I've become more confident, less sensitive, less prude, more artistic, less religious, more spiritual, less of a pushover, less naive, a little more critical, less optimistic, more realistic, less materialistic, more adventurous.

But I'm still generous, I still think of others before myself, I'm still really quirky, still passionate, still paranoid (though I'm hoping that one isn't innate and can change.)

The other day, I put these thoughts to the test. I saw on mediabistro.com an event in London, Schmooze and Booze, a networking happy hour at a bar in shoredich for journalists ad PR reps. I went alone, not knowing a soul, not knowing what to expect and had an amazing time. I met tons of people, had a few drinks, just was completely myself. Because what did I have to lose? I was never going to see these people again! I would love to do stuff like that more often.

Livuhpool

-wrote this on the bus back-

Had a really awesome time, went to the local pub with Tina, Karina, Jocie, Fiona, and Becca. Watched a bit of Final Destination 2 but got creeped out and went to bed.

The next day Tina took me around the Liverpool center. I bought an awesome shirt at Dorothy Perkins, some makeup, wings, and red haiirspray for my costume (dark angel)

Then we went down to Matthew Street aka Beatles Central and saw "The Cavern Club" which is where the Beatles got their start, and all sorts of other cool places.

We got ready at Karina's. Jocie, Becky, Snookie, Tom, and Sophie came over too. IT was really great to see everyone!

The reunion was fun, corky had lots of food, which I ate way too much of, but whateber, it was good. lots of drinking, catching up, snookie played us some songs, which is always awesome. The singing and Cheering wah-0nee style was definithe the best part. It was really nice to see everyone again, and I feel like Halloween was the perfect occasion to do so. Corky's dad was quite the character too. Only in Liverpool.

I slept on an enourmous orange stuffed fish, as a mattress... sexy.

Hung out with Karina for a while on Sunday w/ Sophie too, which was really nice. And on the way back we passed Penny lane, which obviously made me really happy.

Now I have a six million hour bus ride home woohoo. Love that I can call London "home."

alrighty then

I've been working on a few blog posts (on paper) and i realized that I do not need to write about every single little detail about every single trip but an overview and highlights is probably less boredom inducing and more importantly (since this is my blog so i can be a little selfish) a hell of a lot less strenuous to write.

That being said, The rest of Berlin, Paris, Nice, and Liverpool updates are soon to come but now what I do best... a blog on thoughts.

So the semester is already more than 1/2 way through, which is quite scary actually, and a bit sad. I've been trying to take as much advantage as I can of being here. I want to travel a lot because I never have before and there are so many places that I want to see, but I don't want to go home thinking "I can't believe I didn't do [such and such] while I was living in London for 4 months." So right now is really about taking advantage of everything.

That being said, I came to London wanting to change, I wanted to come home having changed for the better in lots of different ways. So midway through I ask myself, well? have I changed? What has this experience done for me? Is there room in the few weeks I have left for further self-improvement? Is it possible to have gotten nothing out of it besides a good time? Hell, i pray Emerson was wrong on that one.

My guess is there's no way to know until I get home and the best bet is to use the little time I have left to motivate myself to strive further.

I do know one thing though, I think the travelling and little tid bits of facts here and there have really increased my curiosity. There is so much that I want to learn, so much that I want to know.

I want to learn how speak french fluently.
I want to know more about WWII, fascism, and the holocaust.
I want to know more about the History of the Beatles.
I want to learn how to play guitar.
I want to learn to cook better.

I want to learn more about my heritage and genealogy.

I want to learn about holistic medicine.

I want to learn massage therapy.

I want to know more about theatre.
I don't know, those are just the first random things I could think of off the top of my head.

And so much I want to do and see. and be.
I have developed a yearning for learning. (I'm sorry, I just had to put the corny rhyme in there)

oh man soooo much catching up to do....

I guess we're still on Germany, huh?

Okay... you know what? before it gets too far behind I'm just going to write in current stuff and when I get the chance I will fill the rest in. Sorry about that. Not that anyone reads this anyway though.

Okay... Nice, since I just got back from there.

Absolutely incredible!! So after being up until 3am to finish that hell hole known as midterm papers, I got to sleep for 2 hours before we had to get ready and get our cab to the airport. We made it in time, had a tired flight but when we were landing in Nice at around 10:30am I knew we had chosen the perfect vacation spot.

The view of the mountains, with little cottages in it, the cote d'azur, the beautiful blue waters, the pebbly beach (which is admittedly prettier to look at than to step on) was honestly, I can say, the most beautiful place I have ever been. (Or at least tied with La Isla Culebra, where I went in Puerto Rico.)

As soon as we got to the hotel, which was a little run down, a little shabby, but hey everyone was friendly, it was cheep and it worked. By the way, in France if your hotel comes with breakfast, that means a croissant, a baguette, orange juice, and a hot beverage.

We got to our room and we opened the window to let in the warm see air, it was supposed to rain the day we got there, but we had perfect weather the entire time. So much sun entered through our room, we took a nap and when we woke up Anna had a short tan line already.

Basically it was 5 days of lying on the beach (bliss), going in the ocean, eating amazing french food, and dancing on tables every night.

Oh and the whole getting lost in the french mountains. Definitely a well-deserved vacation. So much better than city hopping like everyone and their mom seemed to be doing, though it would have been fun to go to Madrid/Barcelona with chad.

so much

sorry for lagging behind, ive got to finish the germany blog and write the paris one but in the meantime...

Review of "Our Class" for DRA451 √

Group Paper on subcultures in Notting Hill / Portobello Markets --> Written, just need to wait for Iva to submit her revisions so we can edit and work on our class presentation. Due Tomorrow.

Description Piece on Sachsenhausen for WRT422 --> Need to edit. Due Friday

Paper on Starbucks in london for WRT422 --> Need to finish and Edit. Due Friday.

Paper for Visual Issues in the Media --> Need to start, finish, and edit. Due Friday.

Article for Zipped Magazine --> Need to start, finish, and edit. Due Today but I got an extention till Friday.

Weather in Nice when I get there... 71ºF makes it worth it.

Berlin, Deutschland - eine

It's interesting being in a foreign country with a different language. German is really cool and kind of hilarious. Growing up in a global city I' so used to people walking around gushing in some unrecognizable jargon. It's weird to think that in Berlin, this is me. While everyone here knows a little bit of English, just enough to get by, they don't really understand the language and our conversations in general are just nonsense to them. I find that neat. I fund a lot of things neat these days

-zwei-

We arrived in Berlin quite late and all very exhausted so after our meetings and dropping our stuff off in the, essentially, bachelorette pad that we were given, we wandered off and got pizza. Yes we are in Germany and had Italian food, but I don't care because it was amazing. Anna and I split the quattro frommagio and my wait line yelled at me a little. It's okay though, it was delicious.

-drei-

The next morning, bright and early, we got breakfast form the hostel, where I kind of ate my life away. Actually soo much food. chatted with Wolfgang, who is the shit, and met our hilarious, dorky, and opinionted tour guide, Gabriel who led us around for the day.

- vier -

Gabriel took us around this city and taught us the history of Berlin. There's something quite remarkable about Berlin in that so much of the city was rebuilt after it was destroyed in the war, yet below the new and modern buildings, the old Berlin very much still exists in a sort of alternative Universe.. It is very much still there, almost vivid really. Gabriel showed us where Hitler used to live. What's there now? Get this... a playground!! As in, for children. As cool of a city Berlin has now become, I don't think it's a place I could ever live or call home. Too much negative energy lurking it its streets.

right here, right now. London.

Yesterday (i wrote this over a week ago, but at the time i wrote "yesterday") for the very first time, I felt myself in London. There was nowhere else in the world I could possibly be except in this city. I know the exact moment it him me, it was subtle but recognizable none the less.

It wasn't the bright red double decker busses or all the drivers on the "wrong" side of the car. It wasn't the castles or mansion that we've toured or the brilliant accents escaping each man's tongue. it was not the pubs crowding each corner of every single street with men in suits crowding around each day. it wasn't being at the Globe for the first time, though that experience was magical indeed.

It was something else, a feeling, a vibe. I was alone, exploring trying to find a way to use my time. Searching for London, perhaps? With a cup of tea in my hand and a theatre ticket in my purse, I was ready to explore.

My venture started at Cecil ct. the little alley way that JK Rowling based Diagon Alley on. This tine street is filled with little antique shops, miniature art galleries, but most importantly, bookshops. These shops were unique and wonderful, each one so different from the next. Each one so old. Each so quintessential. Almost pristine in a dusty, odd way.

I love books, and these stores were just so incredible for me to stumble upon. My favorite was the spirituality one, I must go back there to get a palm reading. (judge me all you want, but I find that stuff really neat.) I wish I could work there. I could feel the jist of London poking at me, I knew it was near but the click didn't occur yet. It was coming.

I continued walking on and passed this tiny alleyway it was so small, I can't imagine people could go in more than single file. Maybe double if both people were small. Inside this alley there were back doors to all the pubs and restaurants that had entrances on the main streets. I headed towards it but the first 1/2 was dark and I got nervous and went back to the main road.

However, I ended up on the other side of this alley, the entrance just slightly bigger and there was this kind of cheery feeling there, lots of chaps (yes, chaps, that is the right word) were drinking beers outside these pubs in this alley just chatting, drinking, perhaps having a fag (British slang for a cigarette, not an anti-gay slur... obviously.) And gosh, I can't explain it, but everything just clicked. This is London. You are here. Right here. Right now. Yes.

that being said...

I love london, really it's great, I'm having a wonderful time here and feel totally at home. But that being said, I couldn't live here forever, I miss New York wayy too much.

I miss the coffeeshop on the corner of 86th and 1st open all night long that fulfills my 3am cravings of mozzarella sticks and french fries. nothing is open that late here, well almost nothing.

I miss the bright lights and dizzying crowds of times square, the tourist attraction the New Yorkers are supposed to loathe, yet it is the place I love. Rowdy crowds and luminous marquees is the place I all home.

I miss the food, oh the food. Block after block of every cuising you cold ever imagine. Open all night long (did I mention that?)

Little Italy, I don't go there much, but oh the food. Gelato and Cannolies all the time, open all night long (did I mention that?)

I miss my shows. Hair, In the Heights, Next to normal, Rent. Oh that's right, Rent closed. Well I miss it even more.

I miss all the shows being in one small street, not knowing what to see being completely okay. I miss the sponteineity.

I miss knowing where everything is. Not needing to consult a subway map everytime I need to get from A to B. And not getting lost everywhere I go. Okay, that isn't true, but I have a general sense of orientation in New York that I don't have here.

I guess it's not just New York I miss, but rather MY New York, the city I know, I miss knowing the place that I live.

I miss my friends, my family, my comfortable bed, my shower, my kitchen, my closet, my space. I miss the view from my terrace fro the 27th floor looking over the river to the east and a the gaggle of sky scrpaers to the west.

I do miss a lot of things, but I love London and am thankful for this opportunity to be here.

Hamstead Heath

Okay, so I'm going to start little by little and a bit out of order but here goes...

There is something so poetic about hamstead heath that really compels you to write. You just want the visions in your mind and the thoughts in your brain to articulate themselves into structures that do the beuaty justice. You want to reach out, let everyone around you know the connection that you have made with such tranquility.

What I love about Hamstead is that there is an air of calm, litterally a forest with trails and hills and large plains of grass and archaic watering holes. This park, if you can call it that, is then surrounded by brilliant crafted homes and gardens. On top of that, this little patch of serenity is right in the center of this crazy, busy, international city.

Would love to live here someday.