overwhelmed much?

Magazine final - Tomorrow 8:00am

Need to:

Read Chapter 9

Read Chapter 8

Read Chapter 5

Review class notes

Memorize all of that shit

Fact Checking - Tomorrow 5:00pm

Need to:

Highlight all the facts

Check them

E-mail article back to editors

Monologue - Tomorrow 6:30pm

Need to:

Memorize monologue

Make it "me" or whatever the hell I'm supposed to with it.

Math Test - Tuesday 9:30am

Need to:

Go over notes

Go over review problems

Feature Article on Two Ton Weight - Tuesday 11:00am

Need to:

Go through notes and get important stuff

Write it

Possibly get more quotes

Edit it 

Creative Writing - Tuesday 3:30pm

Read stories

Do Critiques

Print them

Portfolio

* Write an entire short story (crap)

* Print out all the critiques from this semester 

* Do the critique that you forgot to do and put it on black board AND print

* Print out Novel Outline

* Edit Stories

* Print stories

then theres the math final monday

__________

Edit 12:14am 

okay 1. I am NOT sleeping, crap. 

2. I realized what my problem is, it's not lack of concentration, its more like lack of motivation, or further in that, my mind just wanders. now I know, that sounds like the same thing as lack of concentration but its not. For instance I am concentrating on this, and i sure as hell concentrate on my drawings, its just that, I have all these interests and my passion directs me. Of course that sounds like a good thing, especially to an artist (and I know that everyone who reads my blog is an artist to some degree, and you can be an artist even if you dont make art, its a way of looking at life, but thats a whole 'nother blog entry) but it can be bad, because it is getting in the way of my school work. 

but like... how bad is that? I made a blog like this a bit ago about what really does matter? Like for instance I'm reading my awful textbook (really i hate it sooo much) and i came across this sentance, "He points out that magazine design matured quickjly, with a short adolescence of les than 50 years..." which i thought was odd / cool since I've never seen adolescence used like that before, so I looked it up..

–noun

1.	the transitional period between puberty and adulthood in human development, extending mainly over the teen years and terminating legally when the age of majority is reached; youth.

2.	the process or state of growing to maturity.

3.	a period or stage of development, as of a society, preceding maturity.

so yeah, i probably could have figured out that it meant 2 or 3 from the context, but i had never heard it like that before so i thought it was cool. So here I am enriching my knowledge and vocab, which is great and dandy, but.... that isnt' helping me pass this fucking final tomorrow. ugh. 

______________

Edit 1:13am

still on chapter fucking 9... i hate this text book sooo much its not even FUNNY. 

and i'm just NOT motivated... like i have too many thoughts that i'd rather think about (is that redundant? or weird?) I jsut want to talk to EVERYONE... oh wait, I am... but i cant be i need to focus. fuck. 

_________

Edit 1:56am

you guessed it, still on chapter 9. this is just so boring, i cant deal with it. And its almost 2 and i know NOTHING. The thing is I obviously I love magazine, it's my major, there are very few jobs in mag i cant see myself doing, (which is why i picked mag as a major, its so broad.) like i can see myself writing, illustrating, graphic designing, running a mag, even copy editing. (yes i love grammar and making things sound good, and not to be immodest, but i'm good at it... and i do it anyway would be nice to get paid for it) but like... i dont care about the hitory of the visuals of a mag... actually that sounds interesting, maybe it would be if this text book idndt suck. like this chapter is called "the coming of age of magazine design" like that just makes you want to roll your eyes. 

oooh yeah, the reason i came back to the blog in the first place was bc of New York magazine. It seems to have a lush and exciting history and it gets lots of praise and apparently its made all these breakthroughs... but i read a copy of it for the first time over spring break and like... its really not that great. maybe it was just that issue, but it doesnt hold a candle to time out new york!

_______

Edit 3:31am

4.5 hours till my test. shit.

On another note:

Chapter 9 √

so it feels good to check SOMETHING off though i must admit i feel kind of pathetic for ONLY getting that much done in these hours. ugh. and still so much more. Can't worry about. On to chapter 8 (yes, I'm working backwards, why, i don't know.)

______

Edit 3:48am

DONE WITH CHAPTER 8!!

i guess chapter 9 was just freakishly long and dense

so yeah

Chapter 8 √

Now on to the chapter 5

omg i almost made a twitter but then thought better of it... glad i didn't cave. 

You know what, i won't do chapter 5... she wasnt clear at all about it and what we had to know plust i'd rather actually learn this other stuff. so... moving right along. 

_____

Edit 4:38am

Chapter 11 study questions completed and in the process of being printed. 

but on a bad note less than 4 hours till this test.

crap i did NOT want to pull an all nighter. 

And i'll probz have to tomorrow night too. dammit. 

______

Edit 4:51am

so 1. there are fucking birds chirping, which means its officially too late to be awake. dammit. 

2. crap i had something really important i wanted to write and i completely forgot it. ugh. OH JK I REMEMBER!

so... I think that spell check is prejudice against people who are dyslexic. Okay, so I'm kidding obviously and like, I'm not dyslexic, i just think faster than I type and I'm also impatient, so sometimes my letters or words get jumbled but spell check never has the right suggestions for those when looking at the mistake it seems obvious. It's kind of annoying really. okay back to work ugh. I'm doing 9 and 10 together and I'm already lost damn....

_______

edit 5:48am

its getting light out. that is horrible. i just want to cry. 

i am miserable. 

i still dont know so much of this.

im going to fail.

and all this bullshit i went through to do well will have been in vain. 

fuck everything. 

jews.

this was a class assignment for newswriting. It was a bitch to cut it down to 300 words but I managed (well, almost, its 301.)

“Ma'oz Tzur Yeshu'ati,” The familiar scene of a family singing these words around a menorah during the Syracuse Stage production of Anne Frank made me yearn for my family and feel connected to my roots.

I never saw my religion as particularly unusual.  Growing up in New York City and attending a school where the student body was never less than 60% Jewish, basically everyone I knew was either Jewish or familiar with the culture.

Syracuse is different. I often receive comments like, “Oh, you’re Jewish? Cool.” Although these statements have no connotations, they make me realize that despite growing up in a culturally diverse city, I’ve been very sheltered.  I’ve also come across much ignorance of Judaism. A friend was unaware that the “Old Testament” is the Jewish Bible. Perhaps it was my naivety, not hers, to assume that this was common knowledge.

Lately, my religion has come up in hordes of conversations and I’ve been exposed to more Jewish jokes than I had before college.

When I told another friend that I was writing a diversity piece on Anne Frank he joshed, “Why? Jews aren’t minorities.” I replied, “Yeah, well there are 6 million less of us than there should be,” referring to the number of Jews killed in the holocaust. His next comment, though not ill intentioned, caught me off guard, “That’s because you guys kept dying.” I don’t hold his insensitivity against him, knowing that he meant no harm, but I found it rather taste-less.  

Seeing Anne Frank in this setting was an awakening for me. I was reintroduced to the extensive and startling history of the Jewish people. Had I been living in Amsterdam during the holocaust, like Anne Frank, the horrors that were conveyed in this play could’ve been my reality. 

more doodlies

this is my favorite. 

I did a hair one, but I don't like it anymore, so maybe I'll redraw it when I have time. 

i hope it works

As Rent gets closer I'm getting more and more excited. Yet I'm worried. What if it doesn't do for me what I need it to. I've always said that Rent's been there for me when I needed it and blah blah blah, but really right now my brain is just one hot mess.

I need something, I need comfort, hopefully this will be a comfort zone to turn to. I mean it's not like I don't have friends, i do, and I have a great family too. But with friends its like one by one they keep disappointing me and trusting the others is becoming increasingly difficult. And some can just be so so sooo selfish. It kills me. Why are people like that? I guess it's hard for me to understand because I'm so not like that. EVERYONE else comes before me. Not to put myself on some kind of moral pedestal here, but its true, I really do care about others first (not to say that I don't care about myself as well.)

I wrote this as a facebook note. I doubt he saw it though. Or if he did I doubt he knew it was about him. Or if he did I doubt he cared. This is a different "he" by the way, i just like being a little vague sometimes.

Loves it.
no really, i just love when people don't give a shit about anyone else.
Seems to be a pattern these days. I can't stand selfishness.
Or bullshitting. Or fakeness. Or any of that crap.

I've said it once and I'll say it again.

People suck.
People really just do.
It's what i've learned and I don't know how to change it.

 I know how petty this all sounds, really, I do. But it bothers me so much, probably a lot more than it should. And you know what else bothers me... when people DONT RESPOND TO TEXT MESSAGES. Just don't even get me started. How hard is it to type, "can't I'm sorry" if you can't (or even if you can but don't want to... not that I condone that but still better than nothing) ugh... I'm just sick of it, sick of feeling left out all the time, sick of being paranoid that everyone hates me, but its hard to be more confident when time and time again people don't pull through.

I drew this:

Okay, so maybe linking everyone to it was a bit of an attempt for attention, but fine. I need it. I need compliments right now. I'll admit it. I need to feel like I'm at least a little bit appreciated somehow, so if it's through art... so be it.

Gosh I just hate people sometimes, so much.

And on that note rent, rent, rent, rent, rent, rent, in 4 days!!!!!

forget regret or life is yours to miss

I've been feeling like utter crap, I'm sure the time of month has something to do with it too. Seriously its so bad, it makes me overly sensitive about things that shouldn't even phase me. But anyway... all I had to do was realize that I'm seeing Rent in 5 days and the biggest smile just took over my face.

i am...

going to put 100 things away.
it is currently 2:27pm
Ready, Set, go!

2:59pm update -
so i picked up a decent amount of stuff, cleaned under my bed, my room still looks like a bit of a disaster area... but okay 100 more items 3:00pm, ready, set, go!

4:49pm
Beer run > cleaing room
woopsies.

...

Melissa inspired me.
It looks like there was a freaking clothes tornado in my room.
I can't clear my mind until I clear my floor, because right now you can't see it.
Is this a veiled form of procrastination on my term papers? Probably. But either way, it needs to get done.

On another note, everything hurts. I don't know what's wrong with me, but really, everything hurts.

blah

So I guess what it all comes down to is that life is about choices, and choices are hard to make. And sometimes we make the wrong choices. Sometimes those wrong choices are innocent ones. We didn't know, we couldn't have known, and therefore, we can't kick ourselves for them. hell... maybe it'll all work out, right? The only thing to do now is accept the choices we've made and move forward from there. Some are worth correcting, some are meant to be left as they are and just move on. word.

Rocky Horror, Raúl Esparza, and Broadway... oh my!

woah?

Holy crap. somehow, someway... that worked.
I posted that blog and just felt encouraged, empowered. Even though I didn't even thing about what I had written, maybe it was just wedged in the back of my head. But I just started writing and I wrote and I wrote (and I thank you dalton for teaching me how to bullshit)

It's like a weight has been lifted.
Damn, that feels good.

calm down, missy.

Okay, Amelia, okay.
think.
Everything is art.
EVERYTHING.
You just need to color the canvas with words that aesthetically match together in a way that is understandable.
They need to make sense.
You can always go back and fix the edges.
but now it needs to be onto the page.
Art is made when there is a need to express it.
you NEED to get this done.
it must be completely.
You must paint a picture. with words.
and then you can fix it. later.
your struggle is the struggle of any artist. Completion is key. Once you are done you can rest.
You can not quit in the middle of a piece. You must persevere.
ready, set, go!

Day 6

I got a gift certificate to Ohm Spa for Chanukah so i decided to use it yesterday. I got a massage and it was glorious, as massages often are. (not that I often get massages, but on the occasion that I do they are quite glorious.) Then I walked from there to the Sephora on 34th and used my gift certificate that my Aunt gave me for my birthday there and got new bronzer, powder, mascara, and eyeliner. Also glorious. Then I walked most of the way home.

Viviana eventually got here. Yay. Then we went to eat dinner at the mansion then rented Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist, which was awesome. And that pretty much sums it up.

I think I posted this a while back but... so much love!

Day 5

woke up kinda late, when on another cooking adventure. I made whole wheat pasta with spinach and roasted garlic and portobello mushrooms, mozerella, and a liberal amount marinara sauce. Becca came over and i fed her lol.

Then Chris came in and we left epic videos on people's facebook walls. Good times, man, good times. Then we headed down to Hair lotto and penski met us there to help, which was nice, yet WE BOTH WON!!!! i neverrrr win lotto. like ever. so that was exciting. Then i made him go to the amazingness that is patzeria. I wanted order "Quiero una abuela por favor" but I got shy so just asked for a grandma slice in english. I got too. BEST PIZZA IN THE ENTIRE CITY!!!

Then we wandered around, went to the drama book shop <3 then went to hang out with Brian at the Nederlander for a bit. THEN WE SAW HAIR...

OMG SO AMAZING!!!! it was like one big hippie party and i got to dance on stage at the end. Yay!!!

Then we went to st. marks got bubble tea at st. alps then bought things. then went home.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Daphne Rubin-Vega

Day 4

woke up and chilled around the house for a bit then was like... I NEED TO GET OUT!!
but I didn't instead I made some caprese a la melia... it was great I like roasted garlic w/ pepper and chives (and a pinch of salt) and then put slices of tomato on the pan with slices of fresh mozzarella on top then when the the cheese began to melt a bit I put to garlic on top and put the whole shebang in the fridge to cool, then we ate them with dinner. Gosh I love cooking. I think when I'm done posting thing I'll go cook something else.

Eventually I left the house and took my work with me. Holy crap that textbook is so freaking boring. I sat down with it for an hour and barely got anything done. Anyway I took the subway down to 14th street and decided that if it is after 4:15pm when i get out then i will go work in my usual cafe, B-Cup on 13th and B... and if it is before 4:15pm, I will take the L to Williamsburg. It was 4:07pm so I went to the L. Oh and I found my potential soulmate but I didn't talk to him. If I eveer see him again though... lol.
So in the short amount of time of 6 minutes I was off in Brooklyn and wandered around, saw a record store and checked it out, then found a random little coffee shop and did my magazine homework. Then I wandered a bit more and took the train back home. Got off the L at 1st avenue and 14th street, walked till about 30th and got on the bus because I had too many thoughts in my mind not to write them down. Then I got off the bus somewhere in the 70s and walked the rest of the way home.

Then I had dinner with my Mom and got ready for Miscast... which was freaking awesome. So much talent RAÚL ESPARZA (swoon), Alice Ripley was fierce, and Daniel Breaker is probably the best Elle Woods ever!! I saw Lin there and he gave me a huge hug, I felt special. Then I went home and passed basically the entire in the heights cast at WSS stagedoor.

dazzit.

babies singing beatles makes me happy

day 3

nothing.
seriously. i did nothing all day.
except the good thing i mentioned before.
and i went to the grocery store.
and had indian food for dinner.
and it wasn't even good.
and now i feel lethargic.


this one is the best. ay hunter.

of course...

and just as expected, she falls right back in.
I feel so vulnerable, I can't stand it.
I need to go make art. its the one thing i'm decent at.

edit: omg i cant believe i just did that. relief.

day 2

So yesterday once i was up and ready i went to go get brunch with ava. I wanted to walk... so I did. I walked 3+ miles but then was running late so I hopped in a cab and met her at the smith, which is a restaurant downtown. It was really cute and the food was good. Then we went to some frozen yogurt place (there are so many of them these days) called Sixteen Handles. I was stuffed so I didnt get anythign, but it was self serve, which is pretty cool and they also had dozens of flavors. also cool. Allison met us there and that was fun. Then we went to ava's dorm aka amazing apartment that i am so jealous of and hung out for a bit. I met maya and her other suitemate who's name I can't remeber and Rob came over for a bit. Then I had to go.

i went home showered and went to kelly's she also has a really sick apartment. I am really really jealous of everyone'e sick apartments, but its okay because my housing for the spring is unbelievable. We just hung out, nothng special but I hadn't seen her in a while so that was good.

Then I met up with my camp friends at a sushi place on 31st street, it was small but the sushi was actually pretty decent. It was great to see them since I hadnt in forever as well. At lot of them were going to alcapulco which apparently is really unsafe right now. I hope everything is okay.

Then i left a bit early and went to the rockwood and the guy didnt let me in and i was so upset. So i litterally just stood outside watching and i was like emotional anyway so eventually he was just like "go in, but don't lie to me again" or whatever THANKFULLY so i watched to rest of Johnny's set. It was good, he's been better, but it was still fun. He sort of peaced right after though. Then the prigs went on and that was a ton of fun. I mean its exactly my "type" of music per se, but its just really engaging and fun, they just seem like a great group of guys and you know that they enjoy themselves. Then the "led slead players" aka "the steel park rangers" aka "gretchen, sven, and sven" played and they did a ton of covers but also in the underground, sad song, a james smith original, and goodbye midnight. Honestly it was just really great to see them though.

I forgot a video yesterday but I'm not going to do 2 now because that would just be overkill
I'm not sure if this is funny if you haven't watched "Legally Blonde: the search for the next elle woods," haven't seen in the heights, or are not familiar with the broadway people but whatever, i love it.

BREAK TIME

this break i'm going to try to actually keep up to date here.
so friday...

Well Thursday night was technically vacation because I was done with classes so I went to see Mark's show "Little Person" which I really enjoyed a lot. I was nervous because I had hear about it being "interesting" and "different" and "weird" and sometimes those words can imply "pretentiously odd for the sake of being odd" but it wasn't like that at ALL. Yeah, it was experimental but really they were just taking material and having fun with it. It was awesome. (oh and earlier i got sushi with sami and allie)
Did lots of unimportant things at school friday then Sami drove us to bus station, where the line was absolutely insane. But then we got there, the bus was relatively quick and not too bad minus the screaming baby...

But okay NEW YORK. Just seeing it made me so happy. I can't imagine anywhere else I would want to be right now. We got off the bus and since we were early, Robbie and I realized we both had an hour to kill. Robbie wass like, "I kind of want to drink." Same page. we went to blockhead and sat outside, which was freezing, but their margaritas made it worth it. thats what robbie's drink looked like i thought that was cool.

Then we parted our seperate ways and I met Jan and her friends at the life cafe. I love jan's friends and I love the life cafe. I got hot chocolate and a grilled cheese w/ avacado sandwhich. It was all realy good but i was soo full and ate it anyway. Oh well, whatever. i also had a bite of the ridiculously amazing fudge cake that we got for Jan's bday. And Jan and I signed the rent registry. Sad times.

Greasy Pizza

"You'd better know that in the end, its better to say too much than never say what you need to say again. Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken. Even as the eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open. Say what you need to say"

So I've decided that the first thing I'm doing when I get home (okay well not first, but one of the firsts) is buying lots and lots of healthy food. And cooking a lot. And making healthy things. And not eating gross things like really greasy pizza... when I'm not even hungry. Yuck. Don't get me wrong, really good pizza when you really really want it is excellent but right now I just feel so gross and want to go like work out and eat a salad instead. Next time I want to go for junk I should remember how I feel right now and how good it feels when you have a healthy meal.

o, hay! I'm in this vid.


edit (dont feel like making a new entry)I feel liike shit right now and i also feel overexposed. Why do i suddenly have so much motivation to change and why is that making me then upset?

finally

so i had a revelation.
the time has come.
to move on.
and i am ready now.
i just hope i don't change my mind!!!

things are happening, things are moving, i can feel it. I am filled with so much optimism today with no real reason for it. I love this though i want it to continue.

This quote is so far off from describing my life, in fact, it's almost the complete opposite. However, I am for some reason connecting with the emotions that it conveys. I do not know why. I don't care.

Cry, but not too often,
Play, but not too rough.
Keep a tender distance
so we'll both be free.
That's the way it ought to be.
I'm ready!
Marry me a little,
Do it with a will.
Make a few demands
I'm able to fulfill.
Want me more than others,
Not exclusively.
That's the way it ought to be.
I'm ready!
I'm ready now!
- Company

daily video:

that letter was thrown at me. patti lupone made eye contact. with me. scariest/ most incredible moment of my life thus far.

Lyrics

There are so many lyrics that I love and i just so wish that they could pertain to my life, you know. Or sometimes they do pertain to my life, but I can't let anyone know that. And sometimes they don't pertain to my life but I like the quote but I don't want to use it because I think that people will think that it pertains to my life. Or sometimes its something that I want to pertain to my life and I'm scared that if I use it then it won't come true.

But alas, quote of the moment that is stuck in my head: "As a matter of fact, there's no turning back, I got you, girl, you're my heart attack. It's not the things that you say its the things that you do, that make me wanna get next to you. And I wish that everybody would feel the way I do when I'm lying next to you." - Andrew Ripp

Fakeness

I hate fake people.
I HATE fake people.
Like, I really fucking hate fake people.
Just say. it. to. my. face. bitch.
Really though, it's bitchier to be nice to someone's face and then nasty behind that person's back. For anyone who is reading this. I like honesty. I can handle the fucking truth and I can take a hint. So do yourself and me a favor and don't be a fucking asshole. Entiendas?

Also, is it better to discover something or to live in ignorance, which, after all, is bliss? I think that sometimes we think we want to know something, and we think that is what would be good for ourselves but in actuality, we would be better off not knowing, but it's nearly impossible to convince oneself of that. It is for this reason, I believe. Ignorance is bliss if it is truly ignorance. If there is even a tiny hint of suspicious, then it is just not knowing, which is worse, it is always worse. At least in my case, where it leads, often to paranoia. 

Whatever, fuck them fake bitches, I'm better than that. 

Nothing to make a girl feel better than some Darcy and Seth and some JamesHeatherJames love. ooooh the Bowery Ball Room

tragedy

Article in the Daily News
Article in the New York Post
NBC article and Video

* MOST RECENT *

Its weird for something to hit so close to home yet be so distant at the same time. I didn't know him, but I know people who did. I knew who he was. It's shocking, frightening, heart wrenching. It's really an awful thing. Yet I feel like I should be more affected by it and feel awful that I'm not. Perhaps it just hasn't hit me yet how real this is.

One thing that this did do was make me feel a connection with my high school again. Dalton truly is a community. Everyone I know made their status "my thoughts are with the dalton community" or "sending my love to Dalton." Such an incredible support system, it angers me that people blame the school for this tragic event. I worry about the 4th graders too, who were at recess when this occurred. It must have been so scarring. This is something they are going to remember for the rest of their lives.

My thoughts are with dalton, with him, his family, his friends, and everyone who was affected by this horrible incident. R.I.P.

no video today.

perfect sense

gosh you know those moments where everything just... falls into place. It all makes perfect sense now ;-)
i feel smug.

TOS and LMM two of my favoritist things:

time and place

So I was talking to a friend las night, sort of depressed (beverage consumption being a factor), about the fact that I have never been in a serious relationship. To which he replied, "babe, you're looking in all the wrong places."
me: i don't know if I'm really looking though
him: trust me you are
me: well, where am I supposed to look
him: maybe you're not supposed to be looking right now.

So then I thought, maybe I've just always been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now this idea may make me feel better about myself, but then again it's a pretty depressing notion. Always being in the wrong place at the wrong time means multitudes of missed opportunities. Have I wasted away valuable time that I could have been in the right place? But how would I have known. And also how can I stop looking if I didn't realize I was looking the first place?

Or maybe I have been in the wrong place at the wrong time (or the right place at the wrong time, or the wrong place at the right time) in this situation, but maybe I was supposed to be there. Maybe I have not found the one (or the 2, or the 3, I'm not sure I really believe in the whole soulmate thing) but maybe in those places I was filling some other void in my life. Maybe if I was somewhere else I could have started a relationship but in the place I was in I met an amazing friend or I made a good decision that impacted the rest of my life (butterfly affect, anyone?) All I know is that I am tired of waiting, I am tired of trying, it's just not easy to move past that.

video of the day:


these bitchin ladies will tell you whats up, caren lyn manuel and karmine alers ftw.

recruitment?

I don't get why sorority rush is called "recruitment." Just because like, who are they recruiting? These girls all already knew they wanted to be in a sororities some of them are even desperate to be in sororities, to be in particular sororities. If anything I think it should be called "decruitment" as in... Who can we eliminate? Who do we NOT want in our house? Who can we not accept? Or maybe they usually try to recruit people but last year when I rushed I was just so awful and they all wanted to get rid of me. Those of you know me, that's not me being paranoid, that's me being sarcastic. Clearly I know I'm not an awful person, which is why I think the system is absurd.

So this came out sort of strong. I don't hate sororities, truly. Clearly, i even wanted to be in one last year. I have friends who love it. I was considering even rushing again because there are a couple sororities that I actually really like and would happy to be a part of. I just think that the system of rush is absolutely ridiculous. It's hurtful, and it's absurd. I can't tell you how many girls I've seen burst into tears because a group of bitches decided that they didn't want to accept her based on talking to the girl for like .2 seconds. Last year when I rushed I was really unhappy. I was getting really sick, I was fighting with my roommate, and I was fighting with my friend from home, so then being flat out rejected by people, who in the long run, made no difference, I just was not in a good mood. So of course the houses didn't want me. No one wants someone moping around or whatever, but I'm a generally happy person, these girls didn't know me. By rushing they couldn't know that this is not how I usually am.

I am so glad I didn't decide to rush again, i would not want to put myself through that utter judgmental hell. And don't get me started on the pledging process.

I found my group, It's called Alpha Phi Omega, they are not exclusive, they don't haze, they always make me happy. I could not ask for a better group of brothers. Maybe that's because I didn't need to put on an inch of makeup, a fake smile, and a pair of skinny jeans, just to be accepted. I've said it a million times, but when I am with APO people, I am truly myself.
-----------------------------------

This video always makes me cry:

happiness

i just wanted to say that i really love all my courses this semester and I am just generally feeling happy.
At the moment, anyway.

This video is like the encompassment of amazingness

creative writing

I tend to dislike almost everything that I write. I think that I have finally discovered the reason for the constant scrapping of drafts, for the dozens of unfinished stories. I believe that there is a blurry line between fiction and reality. The creative fiction stories that I write are either about something I know nothing of (which often leads to me getting stuck and not knowing where to turn) or ones that hit waaaaaaaay too close to home. The latter type often leaves me feeling quite vulnerable. I get concerned what people will think. If people will know. Or if they know, will they know that it isn't all reality, that while there are themes that can identify with issues in my life I am not the character I have created. It's scary to put yourself out there like that in that context. Blogging is one thing because you know what you're giving and people know what they are getting, but creative fiction is putting yourself out to the world in a way that you can't be certain of. There is a lot more room for interpretation, it's pretty scary.

Don't censor, don't censor, don't censor. Die, Vampire, die. I've got to keep reminding myself, don't I?

In addition to the personal vulnerable and the fear of not getting it just right, there is also the self-consciousness which comes along with something in any artistic field. Is it even good? Do I have talent?

All in all getting you're writing out there can be quite the burden.

Just a silly little vid:

writing is subjective

The blatant rejection of my writing would usually have significantly discouraged me from keeping my head up in the field. However, in my frustration, there is nothing that I feel more compelled to do right now than to just write.

Was that sentence clear cut? Was it coherent? Do I care?

I believe that writing is an art. It is something we create. It is something that the artist initiated for the purpose of evoking feelings, emotions, statements, and it is a means of expression.

Even news writing...

I also believe that writing is subjective. Despite what I am being taught, I do not think there is a right and wrong way to write. I don't mean grammar. There are definitely rights and wrongs in grammar (though even those rules can occasionally be bent but only if that bending is intentional) Some words are aesthetically pleasing to one set of people and may not be to another.

If there is a clear cut formula for writing, then I was unaware of it and probably should have been informed about this mold before being given the assignment for a feature story in the Daily Orange.

I have a lot of important things that I should be doing right now, yet somehow I can't think of any of them because I am compelled to write. I don't just want to write. I need to write. I want to write this for everyone else, I NEED to write this for me. I should be studying for my current events quiz that I'm going to fail, but I will not be content until this blog is written.

And it is that feeling which makes me confident in my writing.

But okay, you're probably all wondering why I am so pissed off. I wrote an article for the DO. I didn't know we had to bring them in to be reviewed. I am not blaming anyone for that, it was probably my fault that I didn't know. I tend to be disorganized and if I did read it it probably went over my head. But okay, I didn't know and I couldn't have come in anyway because I was in a meeting until 10.

As mentioned I was told nothing about how to write this article. Furthermore, I was told to write an article on what the "animation majors" were up to at SU. Um... there IS no animation major at SU. I also got a significant cut on the deadline. It was supposed to be due February 9th and was moved up to January 28th. Yes, I could have declined the offer to write it even though it was moved up but I didn't want to back out. I wanted to write this article. And I wanted to do a good job. I thought I did a good job. You know what.... i DID do a good job and I don't care if the editors at the DO agree or not. Why? Because WRITING IS SUBJECTIVE. Especially for a feature story.... (that was a sentance fragment AND it was on purppse... so how do you feel about that?)

Back on topic. So. I slaved over this article, was it stellar? No. Was it bad? Certainly not. Was it better than a lot of the stuff I have seen written in this publication. Definitely. In my opinion anyway. Yet somehow there were a lot of "issues" with my story. None of which, by the way, I was informed of. In fact, there were so many issues with this story that the editor decided it was necessary to REINTERVIEW the people for the article. If I wasn't so confident that my writing wasn't shit I would have taken this as a huge blow. And that's real professional... you know, reinterviewing the subjects... Last time i checked this was a feature article that a minimal amount of people will glance at in the Daily Orange, not a breaking News story for USA Today...

So the article you see now in the Daily Orange. Was not written by me. I'm not even sure that any of my words are still in it. The only trace of Amelia that can be found is the occasional quote that was used from the original interviews I did. I still do not know what was wrong with my story. I don't mean to take a stab at the people at the DO, I know that they are busy but really.... an example or quick explanation would have been nice. If anyone would like to see the article I wrote, I would be ore than pleased to share.

And if this little blog pisses anyone off.... well, maybe you should have considered that before attending a communications school (top of the line communications school, might I add) that treasures the words of the first amendment more than John Lennon treasures peace.

peace, love, and freedom of the press,
Amelia



Nothing like the good old potter puppet pals to get you through the bitterness

really, really, likes comments.

Ugh. I hate obnoxious people. just throwing that out there.
I should write better blogs but i don't really have the time right now.

But i am in this video:

amelia likes comments... just saying.

So, the question is... if I do not have my guitar up in Syracuse then why is there a pick lying on my bedside "table"??
RANDOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and yes, i left the m out on purpose. Why? I do not know.)




she is so fierce.
best "leap of faith" ever if i do say so myself.

(for those of you know don't know about the wonder that is antonique smith, you can see her kickass in NOTORIOUS as faith evans. and also she doesn't usually play maureen, she spent most of her rent-career as an amazing riffing fabulous mimi marquez, where all the scars of the nevers and maybes DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, lets goooo ouuuuuut tonight... okay, i'll shut up now.)

edit: that was a really spastic blog, im in a very hyper mood, yet overtired at the same time. odd.

woops

oh man, MAJOR mishap... let's NOT do that again.
let's also not double our weight again at 3am, k?

i was bored and made this: http://www.scrapblog.com/0248D5B7-5242/60278211-660B


and here is the video of the day

Does anyone still read this?

1. I need more straight male friends

2. I need more straight male potential more than friends

3. Basically, I need more testosterone in my life. Sorry, was that awkward? 

4. My first article for the D.O. (or school newspaper) is due on February 9th. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little bit nervous. 

5. I've decided to audition for WhAT again this semester. I miss having theatre in my life. Then again, i don't miss being rejected from everything I audition for and that will probably happen again so really I just don't know what I bother sometimes.

6. I really, really like my classes this semester

7. there is going to be a LOT more work in sophomore fiction workshop than I had expected.

8. i really like statistics so far and im so relieved because i was sooo worried that it was going to be boring (for those of you who dont know me, i'm a closet math dork)

9. I'm even MORE relieved about other things... but im not going to post that here. Inquire if you care.

10. 

preparing for national hourly comic day

and a video for the road

yay obama
boo other people.
that is all.

here's one for the road (ive decided to post some of my youtube faves on my entries)

1. I dont get why, as a magazine major, i need to take this news writing class. I want to write for MAGAZINES, that means that I like my flowy, wordy, vocabulary infused essays. Why should I have to learn how to simplify and boringify my writing when after this class I have every intention on writing as I've been. It also would be nice if the profile thing we have to write for tomorrow was oh, you know, explained...

2. A pipe burst outside or something and now my dorm has no water. I shouldn't have to go out in 9ºF feels like -3ºF weather just to go to another building to pee. (sorry if that was graphic, but as i always say its my blog if is you dont like it dont read it lol)

3. I am sick. I have been sneezing uncontrollably. Like not even kidding, I dont think it is human to sneeze this much.

4. its my bday

New Blog ON TIME

so even though i'm behind on the others i figured i'd catch us all up in this direction.
so...

Thursday, January 8th
woke up super early this morning because matt had to move his car before 9. Said goodbye, met Becca for coffee and I felt bad bc i was running so late. Came back napped did a whole lot of nothing. Made some spanish notecards because i decided that if im going to take spanish 2 next semester i had BETTER be caught up in the language. Had peanut butter and jelly for lunch Really didnt do much else until heights lotto, which i didn't win and i didnt end up going to the standards/prigs/elizabeth/a zillion other things concert :-( got pizza w/ Allison at Patzeria. I got the white spinach slize. I've decided that it is my goal to try every single one of their vegetarian slices because their pizza is so freaking good and who knows i could be missing out on something amazing. However i really think that the tomato, basil, and fresh mozzarella can NOT be beat. walked around a lot went to virgin records bought a really cute beatles shirt that says "come together" and has an image thats kind of hard to describe on the front, and on the back it has the lyrics and notes to the song. its red. and i bought the tales of beatle bard or whatever and i bought rocky horror because it was only $10. OH! AND WE SAW HUNTER BELL!!!! ay hunter! then i went home and watched gossip girl and wasted more time. enthralling day, yes?

okay

i need to catch up because i want to go back to writing random thoughts and crap so ill try to not get behind as well as fill in the holes... soo why dont we start with yesterday and then i'll go back into the previous entry to fill in more on the PR trip and man i havent even touched boston yet. not sure why i feel SO compelled to have a detailed report of everything single day but i dont know i like to do that and then look back on EVERYTHING i did over break and feel accomplished

Wednesday, January 7th
Woke up kind of early b/c matt called since his gps asked if my address was in Brooklyn, NY, Staten Island, NY, or New York, NY so I told him and then went back to bed for a while. Eventually woke up kind of lounged around and chilled for a while until he got here. He got lost on the wa so it was about 2 or so when he did. Met him downstairs and helped him find a place to park his car. This is all so enthralling, I know.
Anyways... then we hung out here for a bit, left sami a facebook video and figured out wht to do. we decided to go to the shakespeare bookstore, which is on 68th and lex and we walked there even though its a little over a mile walk AND it was raining. But the place was cool, the people who work there seemed nice it looks like it would be a cool place to work actually. I got distracted by the book "things white people like" then we left. We were going to go to the MoMa but we stopped at FAO Shwartz on the way bc matt had never been there (he's only been to the city once before) by the time we got to the MoMa it was closing (the MoMa is on 53rd b/w 5th and 6th, meaning we walked about 3 miles) so we decided to get into a cab and go to patzeria which, i assured matt, is the best pizza in new york city. He agreed after. I tried the granny with extra cheese, which was amazing but the basil, tomato, and fresh mozzerella will always be my fave. Then we saw Jordan! which was cool since she lives in Ohio and I never get to see her but she was here for the day seeing speed-the-plow and equus. After Patzeria-ing we walked around times square and eventually got to Madison Square Garden for the Ranger Game. We went in and bought shirts, both of our were pretty snazzy then changed into them and went to our seats. Even though the rangers lost it was really a great game, very exciting, some crazy fans too. Like that guy in the suit who kept constantly screaming. After the game we walked back to the richard rogers (so thats almost a mile each way from msg to the rr) and met up with sean who had seen in the heights but just seemed really really tired. then we went to juniors and go cheese cake. then we went back here and made videos and also watched these amusing videos.




then went to sleep. yay.

crap

there is NO WAY I'm going to remember everything so I'm going to backtrack while things are still fresh in my mind, and add them in while i get a chance.

Sunday January 4th
So we decided to sleep in late since it was supposed to rain, but alas it was gorgeous out. Oh well, there was no way we could have known. So Viviana, her family, Terrance, Leilani, and I all went to old san juan. It was a lot of fun. I got a Piragua! yay! I got piña, it was kind of too sweet but whatever. We walked through this photo-gallery which was pretty neat, there was a lot of cool stuff there. Also there was the most UH-MAY-ZING sunset that we took pictures in front of and it was glorious. We ate dinenr at a restaurant and it was good though i realized half way through that my dish had bacon in it even thoug it was supposed to be vegetarian but i wasnt going to make a big deal of it so i just stopped eating it and that was fine. Went back to viv's but decided not to go to sleep (except viviana did) because we were going to have to get up at 5am anyway. So we drank nuts and berries and left people facebook videos, which unfortunately didnt have sound. lame. then we made sandwhich which were DELECTABLE and joked about what would happened if we made the sandwhiches drunk, (egg and peanut butter sandwhich, yogurt and maho sandwhich, apple pie and mustard sandwhich) ew.

Monday January 5th
Viviana got up at about 5:30AM and we hustled to get everything together in the car to go to La Isla Culebra. It's amazing how much traffic there was before 6AM we picked up viv's friends ben and andrea who are juniors but also go to SU (andrea lives in pr and ben was just visiting) luckily we made it to get tickets for the ferry. Although we made it, the vodka did not which also resulted in vodka soaked car, vodka soaked towel, and vodka soaked sandwiches. woops. We didnt get the deck so the inside was FREEEZINGGG but whatever it was a nice ride, fell asleep for a bit. - okay there is a lot to write about the beach ands tuff but its 2:20AM, 3:20 PR time so im going to go to bed and finish this mañana-

okay I'm back... so where was I? oh yes the ferry. Okay so eventually we got there are we took a van type thing to the beach. The beach was ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING! I will post pictures later but trust me when I say it was UNBELIEVABLY BEAUTIFUL! However it was kind of cloudy when we got there but we went in the water anyway because its the beach, its water, its the middle of winter, and its puerto rico. So it was kind of cold but whatever. Eventually the sun came out and it was sooo nice. we all fell asleep on the beach (which resulted in a bit of a burn on my part but i DID where sunscreen, its just almost inevitable ugh) So really nothing exciting happened it was just a wonderful day. We all fell asleep on the ride back too.

We got back to Viv's kinda late but her mom made us the most amazing dish which was this black eyed peas mix w/ rice and eggplant and it was just all delicioso! We all showered and left to go the the Bob Sinclaire concert. I honestly was soooooo tired though. We went to 3 different places to pick up the TICKETS but they all didnt work and it was just getting so late. We got to the place and they told terrance that he couldn't even inquire about the tickets which is crazy. We also had all this parking issues and basically got hit by a fence (dont even ask) So (to terrance's dismay) we decided to go. We were going to try to go to another bar or something but since it was a Monday night they were all closed, so we went back to viv's house and on the way played the i-tunes shuffle game, which was amusing. We got back, had nuts and berries. oh wait, nuts and berries with CHOCOLATE milk, which we named a black russian. and passed out.

Tuesday January 6th
Fairly slow, yet busy day. Slept in late while Viviana went to go pick up her phone. Viv's Mom made pancakes for breakfast which were AMAZING because everything she makes is just incredible. FINALLY terrance woke up at like 2pm and we just chatted w/ viv's mom and chilled and then made "apology videos" on facebook. Anyone who knows me will know that i am addicted to the fact that my computer has a video camera on it. Viv came back we had lunch (leftover black eyed peas and rice from last night which, of course, were amazing) and then viv drove me to the airport and i flew home. I miss PR though it was so warm and happy and warm and warm, and freaking warm. SOOOO not looking forward to the 12ft of snow that is apparently piled up in Syracuse. Of course its late and, therefore, colder but for kicks lets check the weather in syracuse [goes to check weather] 26º feels life 14º rain and sleet. Ouch. f*cking cuse.

left behind

gah im so behind hopefully i can remember everything

sorry

wow, i have NOT been keeping up here. I hope I even remember everything from the past week or whatever. I will try. 

December 25

Went w/ mi madre to my grandparents house, we just hung out there for a while, my aunt, uncle, and cousin, and dog came over for a bit and we took pictures and it was merry. 

Then I went back into the city around 6. I wanted to see another show, so I figured I would go to tkts and see which of the shows I wanted to see (Spring Awakening, Equus, Boeing-Boeing, Shrek,and August: Osage County) were playing (since some weren't due to it being christmas) and discounted. When I got there the only think Spring Awakening was up so I figured I would see if there were student rush tickets left before i bought ones from the booth.

It was my 4th time seeing the show and I really enjoyed it. Of course the show has flaws but I seemed to overlook all of them tonight. Perhaps because I knew it was the last time I would be seeing it.

there was some girl in my row who was laughing so hard she was literally in tears during totally fucked. it was quite amusing. Also amusing was some lone guy who yelled "BRAVO!" after Left Behind (?) while the rest of the theater was absolutely silent.

I think Hunter was REALLY good, and not just because he's gorgeous. I also Really really liked Emma this time. Last time I saw her I wasn't a big fan but I thought she did a really great job. I have only seen Emma and Lauren and I liked the differences I noticed this time that Emma did that Lauren didn't do. This was also the first time i saw socha, i enoyed her performance. I was most amazed by Gerard's performance though. I thought he did a phenomenal job. Morgan and Frances were awesome too!

So i'm glad I went. Then I decided to walk home yet again. I really enjoyed that, I, of course, tried to walk on the most well-lit streets but it just seemed a little quieter this time, peaceful I don't know. There's something I just love so much about the constant sound of the city. Even when it's quieter there is a constant humming. It seemed that my walk home was a decrescendo of the music that the city makes. I had the urge to write. 

and even further ramblings

I have been having a LOT of issues sleeping, like I haven't been able to fall asleep before 5am for the past 4 days or so. It sucks majorly. But alas

December 24th
Despite not sleeping much, I woke up early enough to make heights lotto. It was pouring rain but I got CC107, which is DEAD CENTER and I was so happy since I haven't won lotto, well ever actually, but I haven't sat lotto since the show was in previews!

I had some time to kill before the show so I hung out in patzeria. That pizza is Amaaaazing and they have good coffee too. So I was happy. Then like 16 cops came in and ordered pizza then they left. Then we started talking about heights and they couldn't believe I had seen it 5 times (later I counted it was 6 actually or 7 if you count off broadway)

The show. It was so so soo incredible to be back there again. It just made me really happy, I just felt myself constantly smiling. I missed that show! I was crying sooo hard too during parts. Afterwords, at stage door, luis came up to me and goes "wow you were really into the show towards the end" creepy that he was watching me? Kidding. ah more later.

loves it.

I got this from michelle's blog and it just made me LOL so hard. So I thought i would share it with anyone who actually reads this.

Ladies and Gentlemen, prop 8, the musical.

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... by Jack Black

In addition I thought I'd share some puppy love with you all:

alright let's get caught up then, shall we?

Monday December 22nd

Woke up a bit later than i should have and was running a bit behind for my wisdom tooth checkup thingy. Well eventually we got there, everything was dandy, and left to go to the hair salon. I got a few more layers and then grabbed a bite with my mom and we headed to Bryant Park to check out the holiday shops. When we got there I honestly couldn't stop smiling. I'm am about to write a very cliché, over used sentence but it is still true. New York City is absolutely MAGICAL during Christmas time. Well, I mean besides the tourists that is. But Bryant park, it just makes me so happy and spirited.





I thnk that Bryant park is the coolest place ever because its this tiny blissful little place that is in the heart of new york, surrounded by tall important buildings just chilling there. And I love it especially in winter time because first of all who doesn't love ice skating? but more importantly who doesn't love FREE ice skating? and also because of the shops. There are so many its hard to hit them all up in one visit. And the shops are filled with such unique little trinkets and creations. Everything from jewelry, to dishes, to hats and scarves, to homemade soap, to unrecognizable objects, and its just glorious what you can find there. We bought a few little things and then headed back home so I could get ready for Sasha, Matt, and Nick's housewarming party. 

The party was a lot of fun, it was so nice to see everyone and more importantly to all be there together, it really felt like old times back at the neder when everyone still, you know, talked to eachother. It was fun remiscing about so many almost forgotten people of the past. They're apartment was also really nice. We played psychiatrist for a while which was, for the most part, fun, it was kind of hard though because we didn't all know each other, but I always enjoy that game. It was just really good to see everyone so I was VERY happy that I went. Then I walked home, which was silly because it was like -525600º outside, but whatever, I enjoyed it. 

Tuesday December 23rd

Did nothing all day but planned on seeing in the heights. Luckily Stef called me to tell me that lotto was an hour earlier on Tuesdays or I would have shown up at 6. Unfortunately though it was still too late and I was really pissed because a) i really really wanted to see the show (the time had come) and b) i was going to walk most of the way downtown but because i was running late i took a cab and it was really expensive but i STILL didnt make it so it was a complete waste. I got over it though and went to see if they still had rush at gypsy. They did, and I got a seat in the right box. The show was wonderful, as always. Ms. Patti Lupone was BORN to play Mamma Rose. I havent seen any other productions but I really can't imagine anyone being more perfect in the part. It's just overwhelming. I mean sitting in the box (which was great by the way) was nothing like the front row. When I saw Gypsy from the front row i was overwhelmed (in a GOOD way) I can honestly say it was the most emotional and awesome (in the original sense of the word) theatrical event I have ever experienced. And i have seen a lot of theatre in the past couple years. The whole cast was great, Boyd made me cry, i think, i dont remember but even if i didn't he mad me want to. I think he is truly a brilliant and natural actor. I saw him in Journey's End as well, when that was playing, and he was great in that too. During "Together wherever we go" one of the plates fell into the audience it was really funny... guess you had to be there lol. 

Another cool thing about being in the box is you can people watch. I enjoyed watching other people's expressions as Patti and crew did their thing. I also spoted Hunter Bell, Jeff Bowen, and Susan Blackwell of [title of show] which was pretty cool since they're kind of my idols. I spoke to hunter after the show which was nice. I told him that I enjoyed the the [title of show] show "who shot mindy" Christmas Spectular show special show. He said he's glad that I'm glad that Mindy's okay ;-) He seemed genuinely happy that i went up to him and recognized him and all that jazz, which made me happy. The [tos] cast just seem like genuinely nice people and i love that. I was tempted to tell him that he was my favorite person on broadway after Patti and Raúl, but I, of course, refrained :-) Hunter is growing a beard which makes me lol. Loves it. After the show I stage doored, got stef her leigh ann larkin autograph and got a patti autograph of my own!!! That woman scares me to death and i LOVE It.

Alright its 4:15Am so I guess I'll catch up on the rest of the week at a later date. gnight yall. 

and even further ramblings... surprise surprise

Sunday December 21st.

I did nothing. all. freaking. day. Seriously I just like slept and went online, it was positively dreadful. I can't think of many things that I like less than being bored. Well that's not true. I don't, by definition, like all things negative. We ordered Indian food which is always a good choice. I need to remember the name of that tofu dish I got because it is amazing. Finally at 8:30ish, i was feeling well enough so i decided to get up, get dressed and go downtown for jake's bday dinner. It was really nice actually, I hadn't seen Krysta or Carina for a VERY long time so it was cool see them again. I ordered salad and fries. Had a sip of jake's "Paris Hilton" it was good but REALLY strong and I decided it's not a good idea to mix antibiotics, pain killers, and drinks. So I did not. The diner was really cool though, its called Vinyl. Like it seriously was such a great environment with the decor and everything. That bathrooms were cool too they're themed by different people, there's dolly, cher, elvis, and one other that i cant think of at the top of my head. Great place for a party, I should make that happen some time. 

Did a TON on monday but I have to run so I will write another entry later. 

peace, love, and vacation

more ramblings

Friday december 19th

woke up, met up with amanda who had an interview at bloomingdales. then we went and ate at cpk. Apparently they spinach artichoke dip is now vegetarian, which is good to know, though it wasn't as good as I had remembered it to be. Oh well. And so many calories. Blah. They also list the calories on the menu. that's not fun either, but i guess in the end a good thing, right? I wanted a salad but I couldn't eat one because of my stupid wisdom teeth so i opted for soup instead. 

So then we went downtown to the Forever 21 in Union Square because Amanda wanted to go there. Let me tell you something about myself, I hate forever 21. No, hate is a strong word, I just can NEVER find something that I like there. Sure there are few gems but there is so much crap you have to go through to find it that its never worth it. This makes me sound snobby, I'm not. I love cheap stuff, trust me! It's just something about forever 21 that always stresses me out and I don't know what it is. Pretty trivial though, like obviously there are worse things. And it was good to be able to see Amanda. I hope she gets the bloomingdales internship it sounds like it would be an awesome experience. I also ran into ava at union square which was pretty random but she was on the way to PT.

So then i wandered around the holiday shops for a bit which was cute, it was cold though so i didn't really linger around much. I decided to walk to St. Marks I bought a new nose ring but its a little bit bigger than the other one so I'm not sure if i like it yet. I'm just glad it fits I wanted to change it because the other one was too skinny. Okay, Amelia, no one cares. Then I walked around a bit, I went to the De La Vega store. Oh, sorry, museum lol. It was interesting, De La Vega was pretty talkative this time especially compared to last time when he was smoking, what i believe was a joint, and showed me how much I owed on a calculator without saying a word. That place was so interesting, but its weird because some of the stuff is on sale and some is for show and it is hard to tell. I bought a few greeting cards, a couple gifts and what not, and told him how I remember his drawings all over the side walks when i was so little. He asked me where i went to school, figured i was in college by now, nice trip down memory lane i suppose. Curious guy. Very New York. 

Then i went home, napped for a bit and went down to times square and met my dad at some deli. I wasn't really feeling great because of all the meds I'm taking for my wisdom teeth. So I had a cup of hot chocolate, which was nice. Then we went to see Speed the Plow, which was really really good! Piven's understudy was great and Raúl Esparza was amazing... but I'm pretty sure that just goes without saying. serious espargazm. I just wish he could have sang in the show. Elisabeth was great too. The play was pretty short but I suppose that's better than being too long. I waited at stage door for Raúl for a long time but then gave up because he was taking too long. Saw Jake and Kaitlyn at heights stage door then went to a diner with jake bc i wanted to say hi to jennifer since i havent seen her in ages. I had mozzerella sticks and hot chocolate They were going to rocky horror, which i usualy love but i was feeling like such crap so i didn't join. Then I went home.

Saturday December 20th

Wasn't feeling well again this morning. I was woken up with pain at about 5 am so i took a pain killer, which was good at the time but then i felt sick in the morning. I met kate at the public library on 10th street and 6th avenue and we saw this mark twain impersonator. He was interesting, and definitely very amusing. Could have used more spirit gum on his chin though because it was kind of falling off. It was interesting but I kind of zoned out from the meds for a little. It was a nice zoning out though. He carried on for a bit too long but did say some funny things. Curious guy. Then we walked in the cold to the life cafe, which is on 10th and B. It was kind of dark... mood lighting? haha anyway they have great fries there. And vanilla hot chocolate. I've kind of taken to hot chocolate since I'm avoiding coffee because I don't think my body can handle any more drugs. (that makes me sound like a drug addict, I'm not, I promise, its just 2 antibiotics and painkillers is quite enough, and that already is taking a told on my overall wellbeing) So the hot chocolate was good. Until this week I hadn't had hot chocolate in ages. I must say it is quite delectable. Then I took the train to long island and saw my campers and it was lovely besides me like passing out while we were playing rock band. woops. One of my campers took a picture of me and made it her phone background. thank you, becky. but it was a good time even though i felt like crap. I'm glad I went. 

so yeah to sum up i've been busy busy busy and felt crappy crappy crappy

flash back to the past

2 years ago today (well yesterday) i got into college. crazy.

Thursday, Decemeber 18th
went to visit my high school w/ ava and allison and saw ashley there as well. It was nice. I got to talk to a bunch of my old teachers which I always enjoy. A few of them weren't around but I saw the majority of the ones I wanted to. I miss my high school teachers a lot, they were they best. My history teacher from junior and senior year wants to get together for lunch some time next week, so that should be nice. Especially since I'll be able to eat real food by then.

it was nice to finally be able to get out of the house. We went to Juliano's after visiting school and I got a hot chocolate, i miss that place a lot, it was nice. Then I walked Ashley and her friend home, all the way on 30th street. it was a good walk I definitely needed it.

i was going to see a play with allison but i wasnt feeling well by the time i got home. I'm mad that I didn't now though because she was sitting next Hunter Bell and Barrett Foa in the $5 ticket section of the balcony. LUCKY! and she sat next to Norm Lewis on the subway.

Got a lovely card from meg which was very sweet. if you're reading this, thank you and I love your handwriting!

Well that's about all. Don't feel like making a list now, perhaps I will add more to it next time around.
bon soir.

Oh and heres some more art for you all:

Magazine design for graphics:

Backdoor illustration for Jerk magazine 

"i hope they serve milk on the rocks"

illustration for legacy article in 360º magazine

no time to search the world around, cause you know where I'll be found... when i come around

10. since i already did acoustic guitar i won't count that as my number 10, instead I'll say seeing Mr. Gallagher perform live (and by Mr. Gallagher, I clearly mean Johnny Gallagher, and not m middle school teacher, though he is a performance artist as well)
11. good comedy that isn't forced
12. cooking
13. long walks by myself around the city
14. tomato soup
15. sleepovers with stef

Monday December 15th
can't really remember what i did during the day, probably not a whole lot. I made huevos rancheros which were good but pretty filling and I also don't really like eating eggs but I could definitely use the protein. Stef came over and we hung out, chatted, got ready, did whatever for a bit. Then went downtown to see Seth's show which was absolutely hilarious. Finally met Nina, who greeted us with huge hugs, it was really nice. JGJ's agent is also on team stef looks like krysta. Because she does. The show itself was awesome though, I had actually been to an improv show down there last year, its a nice up and coming venue. The guy before seth was funny minus the first skit which I thought was pretty tasteless (he feined a heart attack) but otherwise good. Seth was absolutely hilarious, as were the "commercials" in between the parts of Sertainly Seth. I really hope he gets that run there, he deserves it and I would love to go see him perform again.

Then stef and I chatted with everyone for a bit after and walked to the lyric diner which was a good mile or so. We met up with kasey, ate, got glared at by some girl who was trying to study in the diner... don't ask. then walked part of the way home.
At home we vido chatted with robbie and gushed about broadway this and that then talked for a very long time and finally went to sleep.

Tuesda December 16th
wisdom teeth.

you can't go forcing something if it's just not right

6. getting a warm gust of air from an open door when its cold outside
7. meeting new people
8. quick flights without delays
9. Friends who cut audios for you
10. Can I write acoustic guitar again?

I like to keep a log of my vacations so here we go:

Saturday December 13th
Flight was super short as usual was back at home by like 3:30 spent some time at home doing whatever, then went downtown walked around for a little while then met up with rachel and crew at the rockwood. We were there pretty early and watched some guy with an australian accent's band. They weren't that great but I liked his accent ;-)

Then Johnny came on and he sounded really good, and we all got good seats, which was merry, and I had a really good time. I love seeing this guy live. And I met lots of new people, which was also fun. So i definitely had a good time and am going to try very hard to see him on the 9th.

Sunday December 14th
got up at like 11ish, ate, then decided to walk to grand central. Yes, I am aware that is about 3 miles, but I like walking. So I got there met up with Jan and we took a glorious ride out to Yorktown. Then we had a nosy, but smart cab driver who talked to us about philip roth and waiting for godot. And then we sam rent: high school edition. Michelle was unbelievable, I had kind of heard her sing but never like that. I'm not just saying this because she's my friend, like she totally kicked ass. Such an amazing mimi. And whoever played maureen was absolutely brilliant, like legitimately broadway material. Not only did she have a great voice but she was absolutely hilarious, definitely one of the best Over the Moons that i have EVER seen. Some of the changes were so strange like the bag lady says "stinking artist" and in la vie boheme b they say "homos lesbians crossdressers too" but you get over it. We saw Matthew, Mackenzie, and Nick there too which was fun since I have not seen those boys in ages. Then we hung out for a bit, went out for a quick bite with my aunt and uncle then went home.


You don't have to take everything so seriously, Amelia. Reality isn't black and white, answers don't have to be yes or no, and absolutely nothing has to happen today. Act when you're ready. Be led by your feelings. And the next time someone wants to fit you into a mold, just tell 'em that your jeans are in the wash, your angel's at the mall, and Oprah's on the other line.
Fuzzy as dice -
The Universe

And if you don't think that I'm going to use that you are seriously mistaken

so many little things...

I'm going to try to keep adding to a list of little things that i think of in the week that have made me happy.
Not a lot has right now since I've been so stressed out, but we're trying to be positive here. So here are five things I can come with at the moment.

1. The smell of fruity shampoo.
2. Being called babe (not trying to stomp on your ground stef, it would be a lot cooler to be called "babe" by an incredible broadway dancer)
3. acoustic guitar
4. finally submitting a project that you've worked incredibly hard on.
5. coming up with REALLY good "that's what she said"s

comment and add your own!

oh good... the universe is stalking me

Should you ever hear your name being called, Amelia, only to spin around and see absolutely no one... it's most likely one of us, in the unseen, who misses you so much we've begun following you around, talking as if you can hear us, waving our arms around excitedly as we speak, and getting so carried away that we've ended up volunteering you for "Dancing with the Angels" by blurting your name out so loud, it broke the time-space barrier. Oh my!
"Amelia!!!!!!"
The Universe

le sigh

I won't see sleep tonight...